Pills 2

THIS IS ANOTHER OLD BLOG ENTRY DATED 2008

I remember, when my father and my aunt found out that I’m a lesbian, they brought me to a psychiatrist at Makati Medical Center. They thought, like the Catholic Church, that this is a problem. This is unacceptable. This is unholy and this is insanity.

I was brought in early in the morning, mid week, three years ago. The halls smelled of alcohol, medicines, gloves and syringe. The eerie feeling of suffering bodies and lost souls fills the air. The familiarity of the place creeps in. I remember how I spent month after month and year after year in this hospital. I remember my grandparents in this place. I remember death. Death is not a good feeling to associate with what they want me to do here. Not now. It was never calming.

The doctor was a lady in her forties. That’s what I thought, judging by the way she chose her clothes. The room was decorated with a lot of effort. From wallpapers to her carpet, even the furniture that was chosen creates an image of serenity. Clients who are confused and unnerved by instinct will seek something to make them feel relaxed, comfortable and occupied. I am one of the clients. I did the room searching and choose the aquarium with a big fat fish making a “clug-clug” sound over the playful painting to just at least occupy my mind and lessen the tension that was building up.

The doctor’s first question was, “Why are you here?”
And I said, “I don’t know.”
“How can I be of help?” she asked.
I replied again, “I don’t know.”
And these two questions and my similar response goes on and on for 10 minutes. The doctor gave up and let my aunt in.

My aunt told the doctor carefully, “She’s been drinking everyday and the alcohol makes her so loud and uncontrollable that it bothers the neighbors”

Who was the meddling neighbor anyway? I thought, ano to, pauso?

Is it because of my voice when I started singing “I Will Survive” over the videoke at midnight? Wait ‘til I found out who you are and I’ll make it sure that YOU WILL BE BOTHERED!

“And I think that it all started when my mother died.” My aunt continued. “You see doctor, she lived with her after her parents separation and I think she can’t stand the pain, is there anything you can do?” she asked.

“Is this all true?” the lady doctor asked with a narrowing eyes.

“I don’t know”, was all I can say.

“And there’s one more, she has a girlfriend. She’s actually having a relationship with a girl…”, my aunt adds.

“Is this true?”, asked the doctor.

Of all the I-don’t-knows that came out of my mouth, this is the only confirmation she gets for the whole session.

“Yes, I am a lesbian.”

The doctor said to my aunt and my father that I do have a problem that needs to be taken care of or maybe she only wanted the consultation money. She looked at her calendar and scheduled me for another session. She began prescribing me a pill as small as a chocolate chip with a smiley face on the box as if trying to tell me that it will make me happy as soon as I take it and I will be lesbian-free.

This is always the problem about the pill. It always promises you something. You and the people around you believe.

I swallow the tiny pill and waited for it to work. I expected it to weave a happy thought that could run for a day. Maybe it would make me loose my interest in girls, but instead, it made me high and nauseous.

In the middle of my shift, while talking to an old American lady who was desperately buying Suzzane Summer’s gaucho pants in amber, size S/M, which at that time was sold out, the “anti-lesbian” pill kicked in. I immediately finished my call, ran to the comfort room, dashed to the nearest cubicle and clumsily locked the vandalized door. I almost kneel at the dirty tiles and then puked all the food that I ate during break time. This particular pill wrapped on a decorated smiley face box with a promise of making you happy and lesbian-free made me sick for the rest of the day. I wasn’t able to finish my shift. The nurse sent me home to take a rest. The pill broke my aunt’s heart because it didn’t cure the fact that I am a lesbian. It robbed my father’s wallet because it cost 4,000 pesos. It made me so unhappy because I disappointed them by not taking it anymore and made me ditch the next session. The pill ruined my dignity at the office because the nurse thought that I was pregnant and the news flies to different departments.

Pills

THIS IS AN OLD BLOG ENTRY DATED 2008 AND ME BEING A BUM

I woke up late in the morning at about 10:30 am. I popped some pills to make me feel good- some Ibuprofen and Vitamin E, and oh yeah, that slimming pill that I’ve been taking since last November. Pills are supposed to make you feel better and some should make you look good. However, most pills disappoint you and worst, rob you. The slimming pills that I’ve been taking are expensive and I still weigh like a mother whale. I should be the one to blame anyway because I found the box catchy. The words written behind the box were promising, like a marriage vow or something, yet the lying pill failed me. Dear Pill, I believe you.

If you think that the slimming pill deceived me, wait until you hear the story of the Vitamin E. This pill is extremely expensive. I should take it everyday and pop another to put it on my face but since crisis is severely hitting the world, I would rather take necessities or vices like beer or cigarettes.

Last week, when I was drinking with friends, Jam, a pregnant drinking buddy of mine told me that my skin, particularly my face, looked smooth and like a L’oreal ad or something, luminescent. I told her about the pill. When I got home, I realized that I haven’t been taking Vitamin E for two weeks already. Now it hit me. It’s not the Vitamin E that’s miraculously working on my now younger skin. It’s the new regimen that I’ve been doing for the last five months.

My Regimen:

• Sleep at least 8 hours a day.
• Drink plenty of water especially after you woke up.
• Go out only at night.
• Don’t go to polluted areas.
• Don’t take a bath regularly.
• Drink alcohol at least once a week.

Explanation:

The secret is I don’t go to work.

1. Whether I sleep late or not, I make it sure that I get at least 8 hours of sleep even if I wake up so very late.

2. Since one of my leisure is alcohol, I tend to be very thirsty in the morning and was able to drink a pitcher of cold water in one go.

3. Ivory’s schedule changed to morning shift so the party always starts at night. I also have this concept na hindi ako tuyo para magpakabilad sa initan ng araw, haleeeer!

4. On slack days, I locked myself inside the house. The polluted air coming from the vehicles don’t affect my pores since I don’t go to work. Evening travels are much better as well since it is less polluted.

5. When I was still working, I remember blogging about how I love Sundays. Sundays means rebel day. And rebel day means not taking a bath. And now that everyday seems like always a rebel day, I don’t take a bath regularly especially if I don’t feel like to. The good thing about it is that the natural moisture from the skin stays in your body, making you looked younger and supple.

6. Lastly, maybe the alcohol has something to do about it. Maybe the germs are being sanitized like how a rubbing alcohol does to a wound, but this one is a lot better, because it works on the inside like Vitamin E.

Conclusion:

I therefore conclude that Vitamin E is expensive and that if you’re going to be more resourceful, you’ll find other ways of making your skin healthier. I also found out that while this is a mere fact about Vitamin E, there are also a lot of positive side effects about it. Vitamin E oftentimes helps a relationship. Since this pill makes you horny, it gives you a chance to patch things up with a lover, even for a short period of time. It also calm the nerves and stimulates the mind, you know what I mean.