THIS IS ANOTHER OLD BLOG ENTRY DATED 2008
I remember, when my father and my aunt found out that I’m a lesbian, they brought me to a psychiatrist at Makati Medical Center. They thought, like the Catholic Church, that this is a problem. This is unacceptable. This is unholy and this is insanity.
I was brought in early in the morning, mid week, three years ago. The halls smelled of alcohol, medicines, gloves and syringe. The eerie feeling of suffering bodies and lost souls fills the air. The familiarity of the place creeps in. I remember how I spent month after month and year after year in this hospital. I remember my grandparents in this place. I remember death. Death is not a good feeling to associate with what they want me to do here. Not now. It was never calming.
The doctor was a lady in her forties. That’s what I thought, judging by the way she chose her clothes. The room was decorated with a lot of effort. From wallpapers to her carpet, even the furniture that was chosen creates an image of serenity. Clients who are confused and unnerved by instinct will seek something to make them feel relaxed, comfortable and occupied. I am one of the clients. I did the room searching and choose the aquarium with a big fat fish making a “clug-clug” sound over the playful painting to just at least occupy my mind and lessen the tension that was building up.
The doctor’s first question was, “Why are you here?”
And I said, “I don’t know.”
“How can I be of help?” she asked.
I replied again, “I don’t know.”
And these two questions and my similar response goes on and on for 10 minutes. The doctor gave up and let my aunt in.
My aunt told the doctor carefully, “She’s been drinking everyday and the alcohol makes her so loud and uncontrollable that it bothers the neighbors”
Who was the meddling neighbor anyway? I thought, ano to, pauso?
Is it because of my voice when I started singing “I Will Survive” over the videoke at midnight? Wait ‘til I found out who you are and I’ll make it sure that YOU WILL BE BOTHERED!
“And I think that it all started when my mother died.” My aunt continued. “You see doctor, she lived with her after her parents separation and I think she can’t stand the pain, is there anything you can do?” she asked.
“Is this all true?” the lady doctor asked with a narrowing eyes.
“I don’t know”, was all I can say.
“And there’s one more, she has a girlfriend. She’s actually having a relationship with a girl…”, my aunt adds.
“Is this true?”, asked the doctor.
Of all the I-don’t-knows that came out of my mouth, this is the only confirmation she gets for the whole session.
“Yes, I am a lesbian.”
The doctor said to my aunt and my father that I do have a problem that needs to be taken care of or maybe she only wanted the consultation money. She looked at her calendar and scheduled me for another session. She began prescribing me a pill as small as a chocolate chip with a smiley face on the box as if trying to tell me that it will make me happy as soon as I take it and I will be lesbian-free.
This is always the problem about the pill. It always promises you something. You and the people around you believe.
I swallow the tiny pill and waited for it to work. I expected it to weave a happy thought that could run for a day. Maybe it would make me loose my interest in girls, but instead, it made me high and nauseous.
In the middle of my shift, while talking to an old American lady who was desperately buying Suzzane Summer’s gaucho pants in amber, size S/M, which at that time was sold out, the “anti-lesbian” pill kicked in. I immediately finished my call, ran to the comfort room, dashed to the nearest cubicle and clumsily locked the vandalized door. I almost kneel at the dirty tiles and then puked all the food that I ate during break time. This particular pill wrapped on a decorated smiley face box with a promise of making you happy and lesbian-free made me sick for the rest of the day. I wasn’t able to finish my shift. The nurse sent me home to take a rest. The pill broke my aunt’s heart because it didn’t cure the fact that I am a lesbian. It robbed my father’s wallet because it cost 4,000 pesos. It made me so unhappy because I disappointed them by not taking it anymore and made me ditch the next session. The pill ruined my dignity at the office because the nurse thought that I was pregnant and the news flies to different departments.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Pills
THIS IS AN OLD BLOG ENTRY DATED 2008 AND ME BEING A BUM
I woke up late in the morning at about 10:30 am. I popped some pills to make me feel good- some Ibuprofen and Vitamin E, and oh yeah, that slimming pill that I’ve been taking since last November. Pills are supposed to make you feel better and some should make you look good. However, most pills disappoint you and worst, rob you. The slimming pills that I’ve been taking are expensive and I still weigh like a mother whale. I should be the one to blame anyway because I found the box catchy. The words written behind the box were promising, like a marriage vow or something, yet the lying pill failed me. Dear Pill, I believe you.
If you think that the slimming pill deceived me, wait until you hear the story of the Vitamin E. This pill is extremely expensive. I should take it everyday and pop another to put it on my face but since crisis is severely hitting the world, I would rather take necessities or vices like beer or cigarettes.
Last week, when I was drinking with friends, Jam, a pregnant drinking buddy of mine told me that my skin, particularly my face, looked smooth and like a L’oreal ad or something, luminescent. I told her about the pill. When I got home, I realized that I haven’t been taking Vitamin E for two weeks already. Now it hit me. It’s not the Vitamin E that’s miraculously working on my now younger skin. It’s the new regimen that I’ve been doing for the last five months.
My Regimen:
• Sleep at least 8 hours a day.
• Drink plenty of water especially after you woke up.
• Go out only at night.
• Don’t go to polluted areas.
• Don’t take a bath regularly.
• Drink alcohol at least once a week.
Explanation:
The secret is I don’t go to work.
1. Whether I sleep late or not, I make it sure that I get at least 8 hours of sleep even if I wake up so very late.
2. Since one of my leisure is alcohol, I tend to be very thirsty in the morning and was able to drink a pitcher of cold water in one go.
3. Ivory’s schedule changed to morning shift so the party always starts at night. I also have this concept na hindi ako tuyo para magpakabilad sa initan ng araw, haleeeer!
4. On slack days, I locked myself inside the house. The polluted air coming from the vehicles don’t affect my pores since I don’t go to work. Evening travels are much better as well since it is less polluted.
5. When I was still working, I remember blogging about how I love Sundays. Sundays means rebel day. And rebel day means not taking a bath. And now that everyday seems like always a rebel day, I don’t take a bath regularly especially if I don’t feel like to. The good thing about it is that the natural moisture from the skin stays in your body, making you looked younger and supple.
6. Lastly, maybe the alcohol has something to do about it. Maybe the germs are being sanitized like how a rubbing alcohol does to a wound, but this one is a lot better, because it works on the inside like Vitamin E.
Conclusion:
I therefore conclude that Vitamin E is expensive and that if you’re going to be more resourceful, you’ll find other ways of making your skin healthier. I also found out that while this is a mere fact about Vitamin E, there are also a lot of positive side effects about it. Vitamin E oftentimes helps a relationship. Since this pill makes you horny, it gives you a chance to patch things up with a lover, even for a short period of time. It also calm the nerves and stimulates the mind, you know what I mean.
I woke up late in the morning at about 10:30 am. I popped some pills to make me feel good- some Ibuprofen and Vitamin E, and oh yeah, that slimming pill that I’ve been taking since last November. Pills are supposed to make you feel better and some should make you look good. However, most pills disappoint you and worst, rob you. The slimming pills that I’ve been taking are expensive and I still weigh like a mother whale. I should be the one to blame anyway because I found the box catchy. The words written behind the box were promising, like a marriage vow or something, yet the lying pill failed me. Dear Pill, I believe you.
If you think that the slimming pill deceived me, wait until you hear the story of the Vitamin E. This pill is extremely expensive. I should take it everyday and pop another to put it on my face but since crisis is severely hitting the world, I would rather take necessities or vices like beer or cigarettes.
Last week, when I was drinking with friends, Jam, a pregnant drinking buddy of mine told me that my skin, particularly my face, looked smooth and like a L’oreal ad or something, luminescent. I told her about the pill. When I got home, I realized that I haven’t been taking Vitamin E for two weeks already. Now it hit me. It’s not the Vitamin E that’s miraculously working on my now younger skin. It’s the new regimen that I’ve been doing for the last five months.
My Regimen:
• Sleep at least 8 hours a day.
• Drink plenty of water especially after you woke up.
• Go out only at night.
• Don’t go to polluted areas.
• Don’t take a bath regularly.
• Drink alcohol at least once a week.
Explanation:
The secret is I don’t go to work.
1. Whether I sleep late or not, I make it sure that I get at least 8 hours of sleep even if I wake up so very late.
2. Since one of my leisure is alcohol, I tend to be very thirsty in the morning and was able to drink a pitcher of cold water in one go.
3. Ivory’s schedule changed to morning shift so the party always starts at night. I also have this concept na hindi ako tuyo para magpakabilad sa initan ng araw, haleeeer!
4. On slack days, I locked myself inside the house. The polluted air coming from the vehicles don’t affect my pores since I don’t go to work. Evening travels are much better as well since it is less polluted.
5. When I was still working, I remember blogging about how I love Sundays. Sundays means rebel day. And rebel day means not taking a bath. And now that everyday seems like always a rebel day, I don’t take a bath regularly especially if I don’t feel like to. The good thing about it is that the natural moisture from the skin stays in your body, making you looked younger and supple.
6. Lastly, maybe the alcohol has something to do about it. Maybe the germs are being sanitized like how a rubbing alcohol does to a wound, but this one is a lot better, because it works on the inside like Vitamin E.
Conclusion:
I therefore conclude that Vitamin E is expensive and that if you’re going to be more resourceful, you’ll find other ways of making your skin healthier. I also found out that while this is a mere fact about Vitamin E, there are also a lot of positive side effects about it. Vitamin E oftentimes helps a relationship. Since this pill makes you horny, it gives you a chance to patch things up with a lover, even for a short period of time. It also calm the nerves and stimulates the mind, you know what I mean.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
I got this from here and God, it made me cry..
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Coolest Websites (revised)
I'm infront of an old computer typing this letters using an overused keypad. The sites that I've been dying to open was blocked by firewall and I'm so frustrated on how I can't open my yahoo mails and how difficult it was for me to open up an account with facebook and how it was so disappointing to know that my pinoy dat org mail was closed. This is how I am enjoying my vacation leave.
So, the sites that I can browse were limited and I'll be posting some good stuffs here to share it with you.
To Anonymous and Leslie who posted a comment on my blog (Ilocanos entry), thank you. My answers were updated on the same article.
To Mommy Zey ng Bears, thank you for reading my blogs. We haven't heard from you in a long time, kamusta na?
To Joanna, thank you. Pulpol na manunulat daw ako.
Germaine and Godeszcleo, thank you.
Naging mala-radyo ang post na ito.
Anyway highway,
Natantaraugan ako sa question ni Leslie. She asked me kung ano ang tagalog ng cake. Bago ko nasagot e tumambling muna ako. This is my answer base on my point of view. Ang eepal e mag-comment na lang po.
"Whether in tagalog or Ilocano we call it keyk (cake). Same pronunciation but different spelling because cake was not originated from the Phillipines. We have our own delicacy, own version of cake and we call it kakanin and that is rice cake in english."
You might be wondering kung anong nagpa-engganyo sa akin na mag-sign up sa facebook. It's because of this:
Paano kaya kung may FACEBOOK na noong panahon ng mga KATIPUNERO?
Hahaha nakakatawa at dahil likas na inggitera ako sa mga katipunerong may face book eh tinangka kong magsign-up kanina. Yun nga lang e unsuccessful.
I found this at Post Secret:
and I have no comment.
I am now crazy about Thumblr.
Some cool stuffs are these:
from here
Time's up! I need to go home. I need to fix my own Tumblr first. Will be posting soon.
So, the sites that I can browse were limited and I'll be posting some good stuffs here to share it with you.
To Anonymous and Leslie who posted a comment on my blog (Ilocanos entry), thank you. My answers were updated on the same article.
To Mommy Zey ng Bears, thank you for reading my blogs. We haven't heard from you in a long time, kamusta na?
To Joanna, thank you. Pulpol na manunulat daw ako.
Germaine and Godeszcleo, thank you.
Naging mala-radyo ang post na ito.
Anyway highway,
Natantaraugan ako sa question ni Leslie. She asked me kung ano ang tagalog ng cake. Bago ko nasagot e tumambling muna ako. This is my answer base on my point of view. Ang eepal e mag-comment na lang po.
"Whether in tagalog or Ilocano we call it keyk (cake). Same pronunciation but different spelling because cake was not originated from the Phillipines. We have our own delicacy, own version of cake and we call it kakanin and that is rice cake in english."
You might be wondering kung anong nagpa-engganyo sa akin na mag-sign up sa facebook. It's because of this:
Paano kaya kung may FACEBOOK na noong panahon ng mga KATIPUNERO?
Hahaha nakakatawa at dahil likas na inggitera ako sa mga katipunerong may face book eh tinangka kong magsign-up kanina. Yun nga lang e unsuccessful.
I found this at Post Secret:
and I have no comment.
I am now crazy about Thumblr.
Some cool stuffs are these:
from here
Time's up! I need to go home. I need to fix my own Tumblr first. Will be posting soon.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Baguio Interview of my Girlfriend
Repost from Philippine Daily Inquirer
Gays trying harder to make it to Congress By Desiree Caluza Inquirer Northern Luzon First Posted 02:52:00 06/29/2009
BAGUIO CITY—The group Ang Ladlad said Sunday it was working to remove the obstacles to its party-list accreditation so that Filipino gays and lesbians could win representation in Congress in next year’s polls. Lawyer Germaine Leonin, Ang Ladlad treasurer, said the Commission on Elections disqualified the group in 2007 on the grounds that it failed to prove it had a nationwide membership. “This year, we are doing the groundwork [to satisfy the] regional representation requirement. So we have been going [around the] provinces to enlist support from gay and lesbian groups,” said Leonin, who attended the Gay Pride march here on Sunday. She said Ang Ladlad members visited Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City, General Santos City, Aklan and Zambales recently to organize chapters and strengthen their campaign for party-list accreditation. She said the group would submit to the Comelec documents and other materials to prove they have members in provinces all over the country. “(The Comelec) said we are not representing a marginalized sector. But we are representing 10 percent of the population,” Leonin said. The Comelec had rejected the group’s application for accreditation, saying that “reports from our field offices reveal that it doesn’t exist in most regions of the country.” Leonin said Ang Ladlad will push the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBT) equal rights and opportunities in employment as well as in schools, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers and government offices. On Sunday, about 100 gays and lesbians marched down Session Road in this mountain city wearing costumes and carrying placards denouncing discrimination and homophobia. The march was organized by the Baguio Pride Network as part of international gay pride celebrations that commemorated the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. The riots were triggered by a police raid on a New York bar frequented by gays and lesbians.
P.S.
So open for comment
Gays trying harder to make it to Congress By Desiree Caluza Inquirer Northern Luzon First Posted 02:52:00 06/29/2009
BAGUIO CITY—The group Ang Ladlad said Sunday it was working to remove the obstacles to its party-list accreditation so that Filipino gays and lesbians could win representation in Congress in next year’s polls. Lawyer Germaine Leonin, Ang Ladlad treasurer, said the Commission on Elections disqualified the group in 2007 on the grounds that it failed to prove it had a nationwide membership. “This year, we are doing the groundwork [to satisfy the] regional representation requirement. So we have been going [around the] provinces to enlist support from gay and lesbian groups,” said Leonin, who attended the Gay Pride march here on Sunday. She said Ang Ladlad members visited Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City, General Santos City, Aklan and Zambales recently to organize chapters and strengthen their campaign for party-list accreditation. She said the group would submit to the Comelec documents and other materials to prove they have members in provinces all over the country. “(The Comelec) said we are not representing a marginalized sector. But we are representing 10 percent of the population,” Leonin said. The Comelec had rejected the group’s application for accreditation, saying that “reports from our field offices reveal that it doesn’t exist in most regions of the country.” Leonin said Ang Ladlad will push the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBT) equal rights and opportunities in employment as well as in schools, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers and government offices. On Sunday, about 100 gays and lesbians marched down Session Road in this mountain city wearing costumes and carrying placards denouncing discrimination and homophobia. The march was organized by the Baguio Pride Network as part of international gay pride celebrations that commemorated the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. The riots were triggered by a police raid on a New York bar frequented by gays and lesbians.
P.S.
So open for comment
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