and PROUD of it!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The Usual Drama
Dear Diary,
I cried so much because I still believe that someone will still love me for who I am. I still believe that besides your bestfriend, there is someone who you can trust with, with all your heart. I still believe of meeting someone who'll mean the words "promise", "secret" and "safe with me". I still believe in love. I still believe in ever after. I still believe that life is sweeter when you have someone to love more than yourself. I still believe in YOU. In my drunken moment I cried and I knew in my heart it wasn't just because I was drunk.
On May 10, 2008, Im in deep pain while my bestfriend was legally OUT.
I cried so much because I still believe that someone will still love me for who I am. I still believe that besides your bestfriend, there is someone who you can trust with, with all your heart. I still believe of meeting someone who'll mean the words "promise", "secret" and "safe with me". I still believe in love. I still believe in ever after. I still believe that life is sweeter when you have someone to love more than yourself. I still believe in YOU. In my drunken moment I cried and I knew in my heart it wasn't just because I was drunk.
On May 10, 2008, Im in deep pain while my bestfriend was legally OUT.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Some Not-So-Current Issues
I'm away from "artificial" home for almost 3 weeks now. Artificial. Home. Home. Artificial. My home is artificial. I don't have a home. I have a house to stay in but I don't have a home. Home is different from a house, Home is the soul of the house. Makati is my home. It used to be my home. Makati is a place. A place is a special space where it all began. I was mold there. Therefore, Makati is a place I considered home.
I'm away from home for almost 3 weeks now. I miss the coffee maker and jazz. I miss the crooked stairs, comfortable silence and liberty of smoking all over the place. I miss the good mornight pasta with a friend and an indulgement of chips, liquors and icecream. I miss the chaos around the street from Aling Ludy's habitual early morning sweeping to the late night dancing of teenage bummers and it's bystanders audience.
I should be missing a person, family perhaps but I guess when something that was so good turns to bad, it becomes depressing, then you have to create a wonderful world.
By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired. -- Franz Kafka
Dear God, I looked forward to April.
-------------------------------------------------------
So here comes work. I used to meet Dolly at Barrio Fiesta every working day, me running late, grinning and making excuses asking what her baon is. I missed that too. A 10 to 15-minute jeepney ride and voila! Now, I uncomfortably walked under the wicked sun pretending I was walking on sand even if it feels like walking past millions of cactuses around the place sweating and panting like a dog struggling for an oasis. I sometimes stop and admire the busy place while I smile to anyone who needs it. I'm taking LRT to MRT on my way to work. I'm not complaining about the travel because this is the only way I can be with my GF, it's the work that gets me, crawling to my nerves from hitting metrics to everyday updates which contains wonderful work of disney with no increase and unbelievable policies like you'll think twice of peeing and go to work with a catheter on. This is exactly what I feel everytime I realized I'm on my way to the BIG W.
There are days when I can hardly make it out of bed. I find it an effort to speak. I measure progress in steps, the next one and the next one, as far as the bathroom. These steps are major accomplishments. I focus on taking the cap off the toothpaste, getting the brush up to my mouth. I have difficulty lifting my arm to even do that. I feel I am without worth, that nothing I can do is of any value, least of all to myself… I am a busy person, in theory. There are things to be done, although none of them are things I want to do. – Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye
I'm away from home for almost 3 weeks now. I miss the coffee maker and jazz. I miss the crooked stairs, comfortable silence and liberty of smoking all over the place. I miss the good mornight pasta with a friend and an indulgement of chips, liquors and icecream. I miss the chaos around the street from Aling Ludy's habitual early morning sweeping to the late night dancing of teenage bummers and it's bystanders audience.
I should be missing a person, family perhaps but I guess when something that was so good turns to bad, it becomes depressing, then you have to create a wonderful world.
By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired. -- Franz Kafka
Dear God, I looked forward to April.
-------------------------------------------------------
So here comes work. I used to meet Dolly at Barrio Fiesta every working day, me running late, grinning and making excuses asking what her baon is. I missed that too. A 10 to 15-minute jeepney ride and voila! Now, I uncomfortably walked under the wicked sun pretending I was walking on sand even if it feels like walking past millions of cactuses around the place sweating and panting like a dog struggling for an oasis. I sometimes stop and admire the busy place while I smile to anyone who needs it. I'm taking LRT to MRT on my way to work. I'm not complaining about the travel because this is the only way I can be with my GF, it's the work that gets me, crawling to my nerves from hitting metrics to everyday updates which contains wonderful work of disney with no increase and unbelievable policies like you'll think twice of peeing and go to work with a catheter on. This is exactly what I feel everytime I realized I'm on my way to the BIG W.
There are days when I can hardly make it out of bed. I find it an effort to speak. I measure progress in steps, the next one and the next one, as far as the bathroom. These steps are major accomplishments. I focus on taking the cap off the toothpaste, getting the brush up to my mouth. I have difficulty lifting my arm to even do that. I feel I am without worth, that nothing I can do is of any value, least of all to myself… I am a busy person, in theory. There are things to be done, although none of them are things I want to do. – Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Lesbian and Cheese
Nung bata ako, ayoko ng Queso de Bola.
Bukod sa bilog at mapait ang lasa,
may kakaiba itong amoy na nahahawig sa "kwan".
On my teenage years,
I began to have the likes of this red wax-covered ball of cheese.
Edam was my first, then came Magnolia and so on and so forth.
It was so addictive I began to be open about it.
From then on I'm anxiously waiting for the year to end
'Coz christmas is the month of Queso de Bola.
" Nangungulila ka man ng ilang buwan
Sa ulirat nagtatanong kung kailan
Ngunit 'di mapigil na 'di ka tikman
Kahit sa kahuli-huling sukdulan"
Ivy and I were having breakfast this January morning
A month to consume this luscious ball of cheese
From omelets to pancakes there's a grand dash of cheese
Sabi ni Ivy,
"Lesbiana ka talaga"
Bukod sa bilog at mapait ang lasa,
may kakaiba itong amoy na nahahawig sa "kwan".
On my teenage years,
I began to have the likes of this red wax-covered ball of cheese.
Edam was my first, then came Magnolia and so on and so forth.
It was so addictive I began to be open about it.
From then on I'm anxiously waiting for the year to end
'Coz christmas is the month of Queso de Bola.
" Nangungulila ka man ng ilang buwan
Sa ulirat nagtatanong kung kailan
Ngunit 'di mapigil na 'di ka tikman
Kahit sa kahuli-huling sukdulan"
Ivy and I were having breakfast this January morning
A month to consume this luscious ball of cheese
From omelets to pancakes there's a grand dash of cheese
Sabi ni Ivy,
"Lesbiana ka talaga"
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Purdoy
Dear Pera,
Kamusta? Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Alam mo, matagal na rin akong nanabik sa pagdating mo. Miss na miss na nga kita e. Minsan iniisip ko na pinagtataguan mo na 'ko. Pasko pa naman, hahayaan mo bang malamig ang pasko ko? Matagal na kong kumukontak sa'yo mukhang busy ka lagi, kung kani-kanino na kita hinahanap, tinatry kitang tawagan sa numero mo, dial-8-P-U-R-D-O-Y pero 'di mo sinasagot, eto pa din ba ang gamit mo? I even try sending you an email sa kapos_ako@purdoy.org pero 'di ka nagrereply. Paramdam ka naman. Hindi ko kayang wala ka, please..
Nagmamakaawa,
Jeni
Kamusta? Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Alam mo, matagal na rin akong nanabik sa pagdating mo. Miss na miss na nga kita e. Minsan iniisip ko na pinagtataguan mo na 'ko. Pasko pa naman, hahayaan mo bang malamig ang pasko ko? Matagal na kong kumukontak sa'yo mukhang busy ka lagi, kung kani-kanino na kita hinahanap, tinatry kitang tawagan sa numero mo, dial-8-P-U-R-D-O-Y pero 'di mo sinasagot, eto pa din ba ang gamit mo? I even try sending you an email sa kapos_ako@purdoy.org pero 'di ka nagrereply. Paramdam ka naman. Hindi ko kayang wala ka, please..
Nagmamakaawa,
Jeni
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