The Article

I have read somewhere that when you reach you’re 20’s, it is the period where people are busy defining themselves. It is a crucial stage where each of us is busy finding who we really are, whether we’re aware of it or not.

I can’t find the article but based on what she said, her 20’s was a total mess. Whose wasn’t? Mine was definitely a fiasco!

My 20’s started with a bang. I happened to find myself a job at a fastfood restaurant while waiting for my diploma. I quit my job right after I graduated from college and I kept changing jobs ever since. My career path was obviously headed nowhere.

My love life was no exception. I was brought up to maturity until my mid 20’s by a live-in partner and I stupidly messed up. My late 20’s consisted of changing partner after partner ever since. The pattern was simply the same.

My wealth was insufficient. I drained my savings account during the runaway event of my life and my wallet was exhausted. The money was being circulated out of my pocket bill after bill ever since.

My health smacked me big time. I was a rocker during my teenage life. There aren’t any pleasures I haven’t tasted. I develop this and that, and so I took pill after pill ever since.

My relationship with my family was a tough one. I ran away every time I did something wrong and was so afraid to face the consequences. I never fail to disappoint them. It was disappointment after disappointment ever since.

My friends were like flowers that were freshly picked in the wild. They wither after three days. Even though you try to preserve them in a jar of water, the petals slowly fall one by one, petal after petal.

To top it all, physical appearance doesn’t flatter me anymore. I used to be a cheer dancer and who will believe it now? The skirts, the midriffs, the tubes and all those skimpy clothes are long dead and gone. Even the henna and the belly button ring were absurd. I feel hopelessness every time I looked in the mirror. It was pound after pound ever since.

This is how I characterize myself during my 20’s.

In a few months, I will be 30. I know it’s a little early to write this down because at some point I still have time to end it with dignity. The reason why I’m pushing this is because the writer from that article wrote that people who reached their 30’s already know what they can and cannot change. At this point, I know them already.

I cannot change the fact that I am a graduate. I include this because it is really hard to finish school. Whether the pop quiz, the thesis, the peer pressure or the problem I encounter to pay for my tuition. It matters. It is significant. It is from my diploma I get the strength every time I was being interviewed job after job. I cannot change the fact that I am job-hopper. I don’t want opportunities. I don’t want change. What I want is better opportunities. I want a better change.

I include my educational background because I have a strong belief that I can be whatever I wanted to be if I set my mind into it.

In the love aspect, I cannot change the fact that I messed up with Jack. But looking for Jack in the people I had committed myself to, that I can change.

I cannot change the fact I have this strong attraction with the same sex. At this point in my life, I have accepted who I really am.

For the wealth part, I can change my spending habits. I can refrain myself from buying unnecessary stuffs and stick with what is really essential. I can find a way to invest on things and live a simpler life.

I can change my lifestyle. I can choose healthier foods but I cannot deprive myself to starvation. Crash diet is not my thing and chocolates are still my favorites. I can still eat them but in small amounts. I cannot change the feeling of displeasure with regards to gym but I can have my own exercise routine like walking or biking or similar activities that will not bore me.

I can change the unpleasant relationship I had with my family. I will face my fear and never runaway but I cannot change the way I stood with my beliefs. I am proud of that.

I can change the way I treat my friends. I will not make the same mistake of raining them with my problems. I will not inject them of “me-issues” to every conversation. This time, I’ve learned to be the listener, the giver, of me being a real friend.

It was weeks ago when I read this article from PDI. It was Celine Lopez who inspired me to look at myself one more time. Whatever happens in my 30’s I know I will survive for I can’t wait to be in my 40’s where people like you and me don’t give a crap.