Purdoy

Dear Pera,

Kamusta? Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Alam mo, matagal na rin akong nanabik sa pagdating mo. Miss na miss na nga kita e. Minsan iniisip ko na pinagtataguan mo na 'ko. Pasko pa naman, hahayaan mo bang malamig ang pasko ko? Matagal na kong kumukontak sa'yo mukhang busy ka lagi, kung kani-kanino na kita hinahanap, tinatry kitang tawagan sa numero mo, dial-8-P-U-R-D-O-Y pero 'di mo sinasagot, eto pa din ba ang gamit mo? I even try sending you an email sa kapos_ako@purdoy.org pero 'di ka nagrereply. Paramdam ka naman. Hindi ko kayang wala ka, please..

Nagmamakaawa,

Jeni

10 Things About Me

A person who gets tagged must write in his or her blog ten things or habits or little known facts about himself or herself. He or she should also state this rule clearly. At the end, he or she should tag six other people.

1. Certified, Confirmed, Verified, Ratified, Declared, Assured, Bona fide Lesbian
2. Coffee and Jazz abusive
3. Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas
4. Magaling akong gumawa ng bangka at eroplano gamit ang simpleng papel
5. Gusto kong maging mabangis na antique car collector
6. Bukod sa pagiging housewife, pangarap kong maging barista
7. Malakas akong kumain pare, tipong chicklet lang ang pahinga
8. Nais kong yakapin ang isang daang pares na malulupit na disenyo ng Chucks
9. Gusto kong padalahan ng christmas card si GMA, yeah
10. Daig ko pa si Cinderella

I tagged bie, germaine

First Glimpse

I could never forget the warmth of your voice.
I felt something new the first time I saw you.
There was this urge to know the real you.
I was confused by past and present
though I couldn't forget how you look so snob-
yet so sweet at the same time..

Thinking of You

I want to feel you much longer.
I want to feel you breathing next to me.
I want to hold your hand just like that.
I want to kiss your lips a million times.
Your scent lulls me to sleep.
I will never let go of your hand.
I will stay with you forever..

The Tale of the Paranoid Lady Guard

Dear Kiddo,

Queueing.

Dahil naka-ID ako ngayon sabi ng lady guard sa'kin "Very good!".

Punkin my star nako pag-uwi kasi very good ako, yeah!

A Perfect Sunday

I love you.
I wish it was raining while I lie in bed with you all day kissing and hugging..
and coffee and jazz or news, whatever..
toasted bread with butter and scrambled eggs and orange juice..
that would be a perfect sunday..

Drizzling Moments

I love to eat sinigang on rainy days. The asim-anghang on a steamy clay pot is enticing. Drizzling days are different. I like to eat instant noodles on a big styro cups savoring each moment of eating and enjoying cool, wet weather.

--sanhi ng gutom

Letter to Northpole

Dear Santa,

Pasko na naman. Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Bore ka na ba sa pagbabalot ng regalo? Kung wala lang akong shift ngayon e tinulungan na kita.

Alam mo Santa, 'wag ka sanang magdalawang-isip na regaluhan ako. Inaamin kong hindi ako nice ngayong taon na'to pero tinatry ko namang bumawi. Hindi ba ang pag-amin sa kasalanan ay isa rin naman kabutihan? One point na yan Santa, ang paghuhugas-kamay.

Nakakalungkot ang paskong ito Santa, gusto ko lang magsentimiento pimiento. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na sa opisina ako magpapasko. 'Di na'ko magpapatumpik-tumpik pa, gumawa na'ko ng wish list ko at may malaking sako na sa post ko. Inaabisuhan lang kita na isa na'ko sa mga NPA {No Permanent Address} kaya sa office mo na lang dalhin ang mga regalo mo. Sa Allied Bank na'ko nadistino ngayon sa may Makati Ave cor Ayala Ave. kung saan nag-umalsa ang sambayanang Pilipino dahil kay Trillanes. Santa, wala nga palang chimney sa building kaya gumamit ka ng elevator sa may right side para hindi serving all floors at ng 'di ka mainis. ACS ang kumpanya ko at Spirit Airlines ang account. 'Di mo na kailangang maglog-in sa biometrics, dumeretso ka na lang kung gusto mo kong ma-meet ng personal, pero kung nasha-shy ka naman e kumaliwa ka na lang sa locker room at hanapin mo ang locker ko, 214 at iwan dun ang mga regalo mo. Garantisadong maiintindihan ni manong guard ang pakay mo.

Hanggang dito na lang ang liham ko. Regards na lang kay Rudolph, and red nose mong reindeer.

Umaasa,

Jeni

P.S.

Pakiregaluhan na lang po ng kalendaryong may malupit na picture ko ang mga ex ko, na ang holiday ay July 15, birthday ko. Matino naman po sila e, pagtulog.

Shifting Skeds

Good mornight is different from sunlight.
Dream venti to dream vendo.
Lazily walking to sleepy streets to chasing overload jeepneys.
This is not what I'm expecting.
I want mush hour to rush hour.
I hate this sked..

Politics in the Philipines

angry mobs; politics; innocent bystanders; no rides; stressful faces; no limits; smoking; gum chewing; heavy rain; falling tears; barricades; Gwen Stefani at happy meal.

--strolling Makati Ave.

12 Days of Christmas

Here's a new version of the song 12 days of Christmas translated in tagalog by 2 broken-hearted, pathetic lesbians who will be celebrating christmas in solace.

Labing Dalawang Araw Ng Pasko

by: Ivy and Jeni

Sa unang araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Isang kahon ng lason

Sa ikalawang araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Dalawang matulis na kutsilyo

Sa ikatlong araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Tatlong Zonrox at pomelo

Sa ika-apat na araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Apat na adik sa kanto

Sa Ika-limang araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Limang martilyo pampukpok sa ulo ko

Sa ika-anim ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Anim na malalaswang torso

Sa ika-pitong araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Pitong kausap na bobo

Sa ika-walong araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Walong libog na lolo

Sa ika-siyam na araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Siyam na labahang bago

Sa Ika-sampung araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Sampung ulol na aso

Sa ika-labing isang araw ng pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Labing-isang naposses na bolo

Sa ika-labing dalawang pasko regalo sa'kin ng syota ko;

Labing dalawang nabilad na kili-kili ng Arabo

Walking on Clouds

People are staring at me. Maybe because I look happy and fat. Fat and happy.

Nakakahawa daw ang happy mood...

Jeni says: Good morning Avaya, good morning headset, good morning computer, good morning keyboard, good morning coffee mug, good morning paddle brush, good morning Haiti people!

And she goes on and on..

Together

Just a thought..

Together can also be read as to - get - her.

Non-Postal Day

Sunday is non-postal day but today seem to be a perfect day to write about how you feel. Though lack of sleep, I woke up feeling light, right and happy. Maybe because jazz is playing, coffee is brewing and I'm having thoughts about someone close to my heart.

I wore my plain white shirt today, fresh ironed pants and brown polka-dot flip flops.

Clouds are clear today as well as my mind. Sun is dancing while the flowers are smiling. God, I love sunday mornings!

Clean. I feel clean today.

When Boredom Gets You

Dear Prince,

Boredom lets you down sometimes. It makes you think and focus to something you desire most and makes you complicate the simplest things in life. Occupy your time, do something worthwhile.

Wild Wild Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,

You're speacial to me and what happened to us is something I would keep. We may not have the string but I do wish I had you as a friend. I love you Wednesday, in a special extra-ordinary way.

35 Seconds Elevator Ride - Allied Bank

1. I put myself to another messed up situation that complicates my life and others.

2. I grew up being abused at every turn and learned to see the outcome of a situation I am in and anyone who has sufferred greatly at the hand of another will understand what I just said.

3. I should not let words hurt me. I should put aside my emotion and look at things from a logical perspective, for they are only words and the people behind them are nothing.

4. I kept hurtful emotions to myself and I have a paranoid-type-of-thoughts that people around me would love to hear me tell them why my emotions are bruised.

5. It's not what they say about me, it's what they whisper.

6. The truth is different for everyone and I believe that everybody's entitled to their opinion though the feeling wasn't good at all because it's coming from people who just spent hours with me.

7. I want to make a list..100 things that makes me happy.

8. I am me because I choose to be. My alien philosophies are sacred and if that makes me a bitch, okay.

9. People trust me no more when it comes to love. I want them to know that I have the capacity to understand true love.

10. A friend told me that beginnings actually doesn't matter because flaws are there, it's the happy ending that counts. I believe her.

11. To be honest, ordinary life does not interest me. Is this the reason why I complicate things?

12. When you're down, drunk and in no mood for anything, discussions about diet coming from a person who never gets fat can make me cry.

13. Words like piggy bank, porkchop, super boink, zashikibuta, three little pigs, piglet, porky, babes in the city are so used by me everyday. haaay

14. There is nothing wrong for being happy go lucky. I've been through a lot of pain that sometimes suicide is an option. I cried, I moaned, I whined but I choose to laugh, to enjoy life and love again.

15. Facial hurts more than having a tattoo.

16. I am not serious, that's what people say...wow, I just smile.

17. I will forever love the moonlight.

18. I'm good in wasting so much time, yeah!

19. I'm spending too much on cigarettes.

20. Too much coffee and yosi creates sweaty hands. I'l be lucky to reach the age of 40.

21. Adult party rocks!

22. Alanis Morisette is my saint.

23. Cynthia Alexander, I crush you.

24. Lip balm makes my lips drier.

25. I've been spending so much time staring at my computer screen.

26. I have to start that scrapbook thing.

27. Gum, gum, gum..I need more gum..

Wala

I Love You So - Natalie

Pagnapakinggan mo sya parang gusto mong makipagsayaw sa taong like mo pa lang, yung tipong hindi mo pa love, yung may kilig factor pa lang..corny.

Pero ang sabi nya,
There is passion but there is no magic..

sa tagalog,

May libog pero walang kabog..
cute, parang tagalog ng magic e kabog..

Chasing Ruthbeer

Dear You,

I sometimes crave about you. You and your extremely pretty face that dazzled me a year ago. I still remember how I grabbed you from the net, our first kiss and your morning visits. I still remember everything.

I sometimes miss our life together. I miss the time we first shared blanket. I miss the way you say may name. I miss the way you hold my hand or grasp my breast and every steamy moments we have. I miss you terribly that it causes pain by just remembering.

Everything was sudden. You robbed me of confidence and left me with a fear of change. A change that starts to a small day to day conflicts with which I'm unable to cope any longer without so much pain and humiliation. We are no longer close enough for honest conversation. I began to torture myself with speculations. Your uniqueness is fading.

I am slowly going crazy. I let myself be cheated. I am breaking down in front of neighbors, friends and family until suicide is an option. Suicide after all is suicide. There is something final about it and by that time, I wanted it to end.

Thank you for your uncomplimentary remarks. thank you for your cruelty, it helps me a lot. Where's the laughter and teasing, my love? This letter will never be sent to you. I don't want you reading my thoughts.

I am remorseful and ashamed for having demeaned myself in vain. I am willing to demean myself, but not in vain.

I Choose

I choose to love you in my silence,
for in my silence I find no rejection

I choose to love you in my loneliness
for in my loneliness no one owns you but I

I choose to adore you from a distance
for distance will shield us both from pain

I choose to kiss you in the wind
for the wind is gentler than my lips

I choose to hold you in my dreams
for in my dreams there is no end


--EE Cummings

No Title At All

I feel empty.
I feel so broken.
What I'm writing here is worst than I feel. I stare to nothingness for hours. I feel like an empty shell.

Post Cards

post from here

Blabber and Rain

I don't know how to put my thoughts and emotions into words. I've been screwing my life over and over. I really want to be distant yet I crave for someone who will listen. I've been dying to try new things yet I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. I like it when it rains yet raindrops make me sad. Here I was running in the rain, anxious of what will happen later. My job is on a shaky situation and I was beginning to entertain worst-case scenarios...

Dear God, I can't even find comfort even on cyberspace..

Photo from here.

Something New, Noisiness and Harry Potter Fever

It's been awhile since I last posted here. I don't have time to compose anything since previous events were all pathetic and more self-loathing. I usually waste time staring blankly for hours and eventually answering yes to every questions without even understanding it. I don't let words, sentences or phrases sink in. Sometimes, I lay in bed lazily doing absolutely nothing until the room gets dark.

Since I left home, I missed all the luxury in life. I miss my car. It saves me time when I'm on errands. I miss the bank account I used to have before my runaway fiasco. I miss the sumptuous food that lay on the dining table. I miss the cable TV. I miss everything that I used to own and the comfortable life without any charge.

I miss my grandmother. Without a car, a visit to Manila Memorial is tiring because it was so big it feels like trekking. Sometimes I think that people needs grave as a place to grieve however, it is wise for me to think that it is not neccessarily the place where they are buried that connects us to the people we've lost, but the feelings we have inside for them.

I hate weekly changing shifts. Mostly, I grieved for double shifts not because I don't have enough sleep but I tend to count the hours left for me to do nothing. I embraced the thought of staring, sitting, smoking, lying or just doing nothing. My bowel movement also changed as far as I'm concerned.

Financial issue is the very core of my deep thought. I usually reserved Harry Potter series on bookstore before it came out to public. Because of this poorness, it'll have to wait, I suit myself reading an internet version of "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows". It looks like reading Mills and Boons, very much the same of FHM's ladies confessions. The story was full of kissing scenes while searching for the horcruxes. Who ever wrote this is truly amusing! I may not be reading the same pages like HP fans this Sunday morning but hey, this one's smashing!

Yesterday I finally understand what jelly-legs felt. I was stucked inside an elevator with 2 maintenance and an old lady. It was supposed to take me to the 9th floor but instead it shoots up like a rocket ready to take off to planet mars. We were stuck between 12th and 14th flr. I'm claustrophobic and I began to panic. I pushed the open button several times but it didn't work so I pressed the emergency button looking stupid and pale. The old lady was frightened about what I did and began cursing me. I was about to pass out because of nervousness but the elevator began moving again and brought us back to the ground floor.

Other concern talks about my fatty liver. Everybody seems to be getting fit while I seem to be getting fat, yeah.

Goldie and I celebrated our anniversary last friday. We do have a lot of downs I admit, shedding a million tears and all but still, we rock dude! I still have butterflies in my stomach everytime she kisses me. She never fails to make my heart skip a beat everytime she actually looks at me. She may never know how I really feels whenever were apart - working or just plainly growing apart because this kind of feeling, missing and longing is something I can't express even on writing.

Noisiness is irritating, period.