The Usual Drama

Dear Diary,

I cried so much because I still believe that someone will still love me for who I am. I still believe that besides your bestfriend, there is someone who you can trust with, with all your heart. I still believe of meeting someone who'll mean the words "promise", "secret" and "safe with me". I still believe in love. I still believe in ever after. I still believe that life is sweeter when you have someone to love more than yourself. I still believe in YOU. In my drunken moment I cried and I knew in my heart it wasn't just because I was drunk.

On May 10, 2008, Im in deep pain while my bestfriend was legally OUT.

Purdoy

Dear Pera,

Kamusta? Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Alam mo, matagal na rin akong nanabik sa pagdating mo. Miss na miss na nga kita e. Minsan iniisip ko na pinagtataguan mo na 'ko. Pasko pa naman, hahayaan mo bang malamig ang pasko ko? Matagal na kong kumukontak sa'yo mukhang busy ka lagi, kung kani-kanino na kita hinahanap, tinatry kitang tawagan sa numero mo, dial-8-P-U-R-D-O-Y pero 'di mo sinasagot, eto pa din ba ang gamit mo? I even try sending you an email sa kapos_ako@purdoy.org pero 'di ka nagrereply. Paramdam ka naman. Hindi ko kayang wala ka, please..

Nagmamakaawa,

Jeni

The Tale of the Paranoid Lady Guard

Dear Kiddo,

Queueing.

Dahil naka-ID ako ngayon sabi ng lady guard sa'kin "Very good!".

Punkin my star nako pag-uwi kasi very good ako, yeah!

A Perfect Sunday

I love you.
I wish it was raining while I lie in bed with you all day kissing and hugging..
and coffee and jazz or news, whatever..
toasted bread with butter and scrambled eggs and orange juice..
that would be a perfect sunday..

Letter to Northpole

Dear Santa,

Pasko na naman. Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Bore ka na ba sa pagbabalot ng regalo? Kung wala lang akong shift ngayon e tinulungan na kita.

Alam mo Santa, 'wag ka sanang magdalawang-isip na regaluhan ako. Inaamin kong hindi ako nice ngayong taon na'to pero tinatry ko namang bumawi. Hindi ba ang pag-amin sa kasalanan ay isa rin naman kabutihan? One point na yan Santa, ang paghuhugas-kamay.

Nakakalungkot ang paskong ito Santa, gusto ko lang magsentimiento pimiento. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na sa opisina ako magpapasko. 'Di na'ko magpapatumpik-tumpik pa, gumawa na'ko ng wish list ko at may malaking sako na sa post ko. Inaabisuhan lang kita na isa na'ko sa mga NPA {No Permanent Address} kaya sa office mo na lang dalhin ang mga regalo mo. Sa Allied Bank na'ko nadistino ngayon sa may Makati Ave cor Ayala Ave. kung saan nag-umalsa ang sambayanang Pilipino dahil kay Trillanes. Santa, wala nga palang chimney sa building kaya gumamit ka ng elevator sa may right side para hindi serving all floors at ng 'di ka mainis. ACS ang kumpanya ko at Spirit Airlines ang account. 'Di mo na kailangang maglog-in sa biometrics, dumeretso ka na lang kung gusto mo kong ma-meet ng personal, pero kung nasha-shy ka naman e kumaliwa ka na lang sa locker room at hanapin mo ang locker ko, 214 at iwan dun ang mga regalo mo. Garantisadong maiintindihan ni manong guard ang pakay mo.

Hanggang dito na lang ang liham ko. Regards na lang kay Rudolph, and red nose mong reindeer.

Umaasa,

Jeni

P.S.

Pakiregaluhan na lang po ng kalendaryong may malupit na picture ko ang mga ex ko, na ang holiday ay July 15, birthday ko. Matino naman po sila e, pagtulog.

When Boredom Gets You

Dear Prince,

Boredom lets you down sometimes. It makes you think and focus to something you desire most and makes you complicate the simplest things in life. Occupy your time, do something worthwhile.

Wild Wild Wednesday

Dear Wednesday,

You're speacial to me and what happened to us is something I would keep. We may not have the string but I do wish I had you as a friend. I love you Wednesday, in a special extra-ordinary way.

Chasing Ruthbeer

Dear You,

I sometimes crave about you. You and your extremely pretty face that dazzled me a year ago. I still remember how I grabbed you from the net, our first kiss and your morning visits. I still remember everything.

I sometimes miss our life together. I miss the time we first shared blanket. I miss the way you say may name. I miss the way you hold my hand or grasp my breast and every steamy moments we have. I miss you terribly that it causes pain by just remembering.

Everything was sudden. You robbed me of confidence and left me with a fear of change. A change that starts to a small day to day conflicts with which I'm unable to cope any longer without so much pain and humiliation. We are no longer close enough for honest conversation. I began to torture myself with speculations. Your uniqueness is fading.

I am slowly going crazy. I let myself be cheated. I am breaking down in front of neighbors, friends and family until suicide is an option. Suicide after all is suicide. There is something final about it and by that time, I wanted it to end.

Thank you for your uncomplimentary remarks. thank you for your cruelty, it helps me a lot. Where's the laughter and teasing, my love? This letter will never be sent to you. I don't want you reading my thoughts.

I am remorseful and ashamed for having demeaned myself in vain. I am willing to demean myself, but not in vain.

Missing Someone

Jackpot,

I'm thinking about you everyday. I don't know for sure what it was I was missing. I kept trying to consider it, to say I miss your smile, or I miss the way your "bunot" hair falls down your face, or I miss the smell of cigarette smoke on you eventhough you're not smoking (which really makes me laugh) or I miss the way you hug me so tight, or the million kisses I get from you, or the way you touch my tattoo, or the way you stroke my hair, or the way we do some "worth-while activities" underneath the moonlight.

I just stare blankly infront of my computer with my right hand over the mouse carelessly moving it. I came to the point that I miss the totality of you and it comes down to a simple words, I love you.

Jackpot

Nasasad naman ako. I was out awhile ago looking at the stars. I don't know how many wishes I made, what matters is that you're here with me to see them all come true. Ang daming bagay na mahirap eh but I don't want to complain. It will happen in its own time. Sana lang soon..

I miss you every second. I often wish for nights when I can just touch your face and kiss you good night. I wish for mornings when I can open my eyes and kiss you good morning. It will be nice to just cuddle up next to you and make you feel me.

You're very special to me and I want to be with you forever. You make me happy. You're the missing piece in my life. Thank you for making me complete.

I may not always say how much I treasure you, but I do. You're the greatest gift He has given me. I love you Jackpot..