Ghost of 2009

This is a photo of me July 2009 at Cafe by the Ruins Baguio City. I am hungry for something good to read.

In Panic

Yesterday we were in panic. Rocky aka Mio, (my dog) almost died. If you’re familiar with Miniature Pinchers, they’re a breed that loves to play. Their favorites are bottles and bottle caps. Mio was no exception, he loves to get empty bottles from under the sink and you’ll be surprised how he could twist the cap using his paws and teeth. He can do this within five minutes. Yesterday, while I was cooking pesto for the first time, Germaine was shrieking with panic. Mio, as usual, went under the sink looking for his toys. What he got was a bottle of bleaching fluid. He actually punctured the bottle causing the chemical to leak. We were so afraid that he ingested enough to make him die. As per instruction from the bleach bottle, we needed to make him drink milk, and that’s what we did. Luckily, he is still alive and kicking today.

Panic is our topic for today. This feeling is what I hated the most because it is associated with fear. On this state, you blab uncontrollably in a high pitch tone and terror was so visible it was contagious. The worst part is you’re thoughts are cloudy, blocked by fear. This is why Germaine and I caused ruckus in the heat of the afternoon where everyone in dhe building where having their siesta. She irritated me with the shrieking manner she relayed the news to me. All she could say was “He will die! He will die! He will die!” The best thing to do in this situation is to stay calm, at least one of us should be. One should think properly and look for a solution. Maybe this is one of the reasons why everyone is advised to stay calm during the state of calamity. The seriousness of panic attack may cause more damage due to mental block.    

Here’s the deal. Apparently, I was in panic again. I don’t know how to tell my boss later that I’m resigning. That is part of my big change this year. I want to change my career and that means changing companies as well. I was given a better offer and finally I’ve decided to pass my resignation later. My previous boss wanted a change too. He applied to a different account hoping for a big leap. He was accepted and as parting gift, he transferred me to email team, the position I’m gunning for since day one. He made me promised 100% commitment on this new job. The problem is that the offer from the other company was given later. Now it doesn’t feel good breaking a promise and communicating bad news.

In case he stumbled on this blog, I want to tell him how sorry I am for letting him down. I’m sorry that I didn’t keep my promise and that it took days for me to consider my options. I am grateful for every thing that he has done and here’s wishing both of us better careers.

Anyway, I’m still in the process of calming myself down. I believe I’m in a tense state already because I can’t think straight and this blog is a ramble. My stomach is churning and the coffee and cigarette are not helping at all.    

Ramblings

Last night, I watched “Great Expectations” with Germaine. It’s a “not feel good” movie. It’s more of “I-wish-it-turns-out-like-this” sort of film. I definitely brought it to my sleep.

Anyway, I guess I’m not in the mood for writing. My thoughts are running unsystematically so I’ll note down everything that comes out of my mind.

So what’s new?

First, I bought cosmopolitan diary as a replacement for the laptop. (very pathetic)
Second, I’m taking considerations for the job options.
Third, I got to see my mom and siblings and it really made my day.
Fourth, I was trying to make a travel and food blog which is separate to this blog.
Fifth, I have several attempts of cleaning the house.
Sixth, I’m having trouble managing tumblr.
Seventh, unlike the others, facebook bores me.
Eight, It made me wonder why it’s cold when it’s already summer.
Ninth, I need to arrange my finances wisely like Kepi and my brother Jay.
Tenth, I can’t help myself consuming a lot of paper towels.
Eleventh, “Desperate Housewives” is good except to the part where Teri Hatcher insulted the Filipino doctors.
Twelfth, I can’t seem to finish reading Stephenie Meyer’s “New Moon”.
Thirteenth, I was looking for a healthier recipe.
Fourteenth, Every year we buy water heater.
Fifteenth, getting job requirements are time consuming and costly.
Sixteenth, Full House (Korean version) gives me eyestrain.

The Most Indirect Blog Entry That I Ever Wrote

January feels like Christmas! I feel that I was on a long holiday vacation from a different planet and I just got back from earth unwrapping each parcels under the withered Christmas tree. Most of the things that needs to be done and what should be done was over and done with. I am now enjoying the presents, the outcome, the results.

Have you ever felt worthless sometimes in your life? Have you ever felt bad about some situation? It is so bad that there’s no other option or even solution to find your way out and all you need to do is wait on what will happen next hopefully things will be okay at the end.

Then came after the dry season was rain. Options and choices are outpouring. All I need to do is choose and whichever I want will be a positive outcome. I am excited that it made me too anxious with each passing seconds.

I was on the parched state for far too long and I was glad I’m almost on the top right now. I know, what I’m writing right now was too indirect and I might lose connection here but what I’m trying to say is that this is my last chance to establish who I really am. I am turning thirty this year and as what others say, people in their 30’s were already established. I should at least set my foot on the ground and raise my forehead high six months from now.

P.S.

A lot of things will change but some of it will remain. I will still be a nicotine and caffeine junkie.

The Cab, The Call Center Industry and the White Piece of Paper

Ten minutes ago, I was in the middle of deciding whether I go to sleep or writing a blog piece. I can see that you finally found out what I’ve decided to do, I am going to consume more electricity by switching on the lights, turning on the water heater to make myself a cup of coffee, turning on the electric fan and booting up the laptop. I just had this horrible thought that if I sleep, I might wake up in the evening and the beautiful day will just gone by. This is one of the things that we’re being robbed off by the call center companies - a long “normal sunny day”.

Yesterday was a busy day compared to what was going to happen now. Unlike today, I’m going to worry how the hell I’m going to clean this super duper messy house right after I finished writing. Yesterday was pushing my luck. I applied for a non-voice account.

I submitted resumes the day before through email and was asked for an appearance to two different companies. I turned down the first job offer because the salary was too low and decided to take a cab to reach my second destination. The driver, for the love of God (sorry for the blasphemy) was a chatterbox. How I love silence when riding a cab especially if your mind was in the process of constructing some sensible thoughts. Anyway, the driver started with an icebreaking questions as usual and didn’t get my I-don’t-want-to-talk-right-now answers. Soon enough I gave up my sensible thoughts construction and gave in for a “stranger conversation”. He was a graduate of Banking and Finance and was bored of the banking job and quit. He then pursued a travel agent career to a Korean company and learned different languages. The company closed so he decided to be a cab driver and be a tour guide as a racket. I will not tell you about his biography and how he became a “linguist”, instead I want to share with you some information that he told me during the Metro Manila ride.

There’s this American customer who came to ride on his cab. Imagine his chatter mouth and non-stop questions, he got his customer to talk. The American was an employee from a big company in the US and was deployed here in the Philippines to negotiate their business with a call center company. He was told that his company from the US was willing to give P25,000 as a basic salary for each of the employees but the call center company told them that P15,000 – P18,000 were enough to the Filipino employees. So what’s wrong with this picture? The people who are running the call center industries were selfish and idiots!

I will tell you what is wrong. I have been absent for two weeks already because I keep getting sick. I developed hypertension due to stress from irate callers. Our job is to sound friendly even if the customers are cursing you already. Part of the job is to multi-task. To be able to ignore the shouting curses from the customer’s dirty mouths while you do what has to be done even if they want you to perform a David Copperfield magic fiasco. I developed insomnia due to shifting schedules and I ruined my social life. Lately, I developed laryngitis that might kill me if I will not rest my voice. You see? That’s the reason why I’m looking for a non-voice account and I don’t think that P15,000 – P18,000 is enough motivation for me to work my ass off with the work schedule of 2:00 am – 1:00 pm. Ang cute nila, ‘di ba?

How can you not provide us something that is reasonable? The health benefit doesn’t work at all! Imagine where I could get the money for this lab test that the physician asked me to undergo if the health insurance doesn’t cover everything? You think the salary that you negotiated from them are enough?! Some of us have families to feed and bills to pay! Kalokohan! But we can’t do anything about it, right? It is better than being jobless. Like what the American told the driver, the decision is not with them but in the call center companies. Hay, bwisit!

So he dropped me off to this great building of this great company. I was asked to be seated at the lobby to fill out the information that’s already in my resume. The second page was composed of three essay questions. I was still answering the first question when I was herded to one of the rooms with the other applicants. We were asked to take a 2-hour exam. Only ten questions for the English and the rest are all about mathematics. Even the IQ test is number series. Ang hirap pare! We were given a calculator and I can’t even use it because I don’t know how to compute it. Grabe, it’s a nightmare! I really wanted to have the courage to stand up and tell the moderator that I don’t want to take the test anymore and leave the company premises. Well, the courage didn’t dawn upon me that afternoon but determination does. I just answered the paper ridiculously and leave most of the questions unanswered. I can’t even imagine how the other applicants get to answer the questionare with ties around their neck or blazers on. I am wearing jeans people with my Chucks on and that doesn’t make the exam easier. After the long exam, na-torta talaga utak ko and I do feel mentally violated. I was mentally harassed. I was mentally humiliated. Imagine, what is the answer to C (….) X? I was asked to answer the dotted line and the number of dots is the number of letters of the correct answer. Feel free to leave a comment on this blog entry if you happen to know the answer kasi ang bobo ko. I texted Germaine to pick me up immediately whether I get the chance to get the result or not because I was so convinced that I failed the exam. I don’t know what took Germaine so long but my name was called for the result. If you’re familiar with the call center recruitment procedure, you know that the piece of paper is a piece of failure. I didn’t bother to open the piece of paper. My “oh well’ feeling was nursed by a stick of cigarette. As I sat next to Germaine in her red Alto, I blabbed about the exam and how thirsty and stressed I was. I suddenly felt the appreciation of being employed to the company who took me in ten months ago and I vowed to be a good employee as soon as I resume to work. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but I bothered to open the white piece of paper and read.

Dear Mr./Ms. (My name here):

Thank you for your time in applying here at -------.

We are pleased to inform you that you have been short-listed and you are invited to attend an interview scheduled on January 19, 2010 at 3:30 pm.

Please proceed to the reception area and ask the Front Desk Associate to inform Mr. X of your arrival.

Thank you very much and we wish you all the best in you r career.

Sincerely,

The Recruitment Team

I was dumbfounded. Shocked I believe. There’s probably a mixed up on the exam papers or this is what you call a sheer damn luck. Yeah, it was luck alright.

On January 19, 2010, I will be on the same state of confusion again. There will be a self-debate if I will allow myself to be mentally harassed again because from the beginning of this piece I chose an option and resulted an outcome. I am eager to know what will happen for the next ten years resulting to the biggest decision I will take on Tuesday. Life offers a lot of options and I am always willing to grab one.