Here are my “issues” at present:
1. Why is that every time I clean the house it goes back to the way it was – messy and dirty?
2. Why does the kitchen sink have endless dirty plates?
3. Why 2 small dogs meant bigger responsibilities?
4. Why did we buy a sofa that cannot be washed?
5. Why do we have electrical problems?
6. Why do we have water pipe problems?
7. Why don’t we have cable TV?
8. Why don’t we have a decent laptop with internet connection?
9. Why does my partner irritate me from time to time regarding housework?
10. Why do we always talk about her plans of changing work?
11. Why do I feel underpaid?
12. Why am I earning little when I actually need so much?
13. Why am I not happy with work?
14. Why does work make me sick?
15. Why don’t I have time with my family and friends?
16. Why can’t I stretch my salary?
17. Why can’t I finish reading a book?
18. Why can’t I write anymore?
19. Why do I feel deprived of having luxury time?
20. Why, WHy, WHY?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Dreams
It’s three in the morning and the weather is damp. I woke up because someone was tapping on my window. I sleepily rub my eyes and unravel my body from my favorite old blanket. The tapping was getting louder so I got out of bed and peered outside. It was Peter Pan. I opened my window and let him in. For some time he was convincing me to go with him to Never Never Land. I was ready but Peterpan said I should fly. “How can I fly?” I asked. He told me to think of happy a thoughts so I can fly. I can’t think of one single moment that I was happy because thinking of eating food is not enough. Tinkerbell was not even around so no pixie dust. He turned away and flew out of my window.
That was obviously a fantasy. It’s something what writers call “literary license” where they have the right to exaggerate things for literary purposes. I didn’t really wake up because of Peter Pan. It was a horrible dream that wakes me up. Some bad dreams lingers even if you’re awake and that makes me crazy.
So I made up a better dream on why I am awake this hour to overwrite such disturbing dream. The dream knocked on my subconscious mind and went all the way to my Memories Cemetery. He visited one particular buried memory that died when I was in highschool. The soul of that memory was disturbed and reappeared like a ghost while I was sleeping. The worst part is, I woke up with a song in my head. It was the song “Nobody but you” by Wonder Girls. It keeps on playing that one liner until now like a broken recorder. It was horrific! Hopefully this new dream that I am weaving through writing will make me feel better and helped buried it again.
Let’s talked about my fabricated dream. First, I will not rubbed my eyes cutely when I hear someone tapping on my window. In reality, with a bolt, I will sit upright like a springed clown inside the box and then I will asked “Ano yun?!”
Second, I will not uncover my body from my favorite blanket due to the fact that I sleep naked. Besides, I’m easily get scared so I might crouch inside the blanket like a fetus inside the placenta.
Third, if the tapping gets louder, I will not got out of bed to see who it was. I will wake my girlfriend and let her see who it was so if it’s a monster, she would be eaten first.
Fourth, if it was really Peter Pan, he couldn’t get inside the window because our windows are made of jalousies. Since everybody knows him, I will tell him to fly around the building and used the fire escape so that I could let him in inside the door. Once inside, I will scold him for disturbing my sleep and why a boy his age was awake this hour.
Fifth, I might think Peter Pan is a broker or a realty state agent who wanted a sale to Never Never Land because in realty, I’m having a hard time sleeping thinking about the house and lot that I’m going to buy through Pag-ibig.
Sixth, my fabricated dream indicates that it took me sometime to think about going with him. If only Peter Pan is a lesbian or if it’s Tiger Lily who approaches me, I might have say yes in an instant.
Seventh, I was ready to go with him and in reality, I do go with a strangers. That’s is one point why I’m always in trouble. I have a habit of taking a candy from a stranger.
Eight, it shows how sad I was for the past few years and I can’t think of one single happy thought so I can fly.
Ninth, no pixie dust and I should stop believing in magic.
Tenth, he left me like hundreds of people who’ll leave and didn’t get the option to stay.
*"Nobody Nobody But You" keeps playing on my head
That was obviously a fantasy. It’s something what writers call “literary license” where they have the right to exaggerate things for literary purposes. I didn’t really wake up because of Peter Pan. It was a horrible dream that wakes me up. Some bad dreams lingers even if you’re awake and that makes me crazy.
So I made up a better dream on why I am awake this hour to overwrite such disturbing dream. The dream knocked on my subconscious mind and went all the way to my Memories Cemetery. He visited one particular buried memory that died when I was in highschool. The soul of that memory was disturbed and reappeared like a ghost while I was sleeping. The worst part is, I woke up with a song in my head. It was the song “Nobody but you” by Wonder Girls. It keeps on playing that one liner until now like a broken recorder. It was horrific! Hopefully this new dream that I am weaving through writing will make me feel better and helped buried it again.
Let’s talked about my fabricated dream. First, I will not rubbed my eyes cutely when I hear someone tapping on my window. In reality, with a bolt, I will sit upright like a springed clown inside the box and then I will asked “Ano yun?!”
Second, I will not uncover my body from my favorite blanket due to the fact that I sleep naked. Besides, I’m easily get scared so I might crouch inside the blanket like a fetus inside the placenta.
Third, if the tapping gets louder, I will not got out of bed to see who it was. I will wake my girlfriend and let her see who it was so if it’s a monster, she would be eaten first.
Fourth, if it was really Peter Pan, he couldn’t get inside the window because our windows are made of jalousies. Since everybody knows him, I will tell him to fly around the building and used the fire escape so that I could let him in inside the door. Once inside, I will scold him for disturbing my sleep and why a boy his age was awake this hour.
Fifth, I might think Peter Pan is a broker or a realty state agent who wanted a sale to Never Never Land because in realty, I’m having a hard time sleeping thinking about the house and lot that I’m going to buy through Pag-ibig.
Sixth, my fabricated dream indicates that it took me sometime to think about going with him. If only Peter Pan is a lesbian or if it’s Tiger Lily who approaches me, I might have say yes in an instant.
Seventh, I was ready to go with him and in reality, I do go with a strangers. That’s is one point why I’m always in trouble. I have a habit of taking a candy from a stranger.
Eight, it shows how sad I was for the past few years and I can’t think of one single happy thought so I can fly.
Ninth, no pixie dust and I should stop believing in magic.
Tenth, he left me like hundreds of people who’ll leave and didn’t get the option to stay.
*"Nobody Nobody But You" keeps playing on my head
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Today I received an SMS message that really made me laughed and snickered all throughout the day. Panalo 'to pare!
Here's the text message:
"Damn citibank jst msgd me s facebook..pati socl netwrkng kolekta!"
Walastik 'di ba?!
Here's the text message:
"Damn citibank jst msgd me s facebook..pati socl netwrkng kolekta!"
Walastik 'di ba?!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Uwi
Hey, I am starting to visit home again. I am brewing my coffee, hugging our family dog and yeah, eating Malou aka Sam's home-cooked meals again. I am somewhat present during family day again and I'm loving every bit of it - whether I'm taking/stealing things from them nyahahaha.
I'm itching to take a leave just to seriously post the compiled articles I wrote during the last four months - ganon katindi - but since money makes the world go round, it seems like I don't have any choice.
I am currently crazy about kid's stuffs again. The cartoons, the sweets, the pinks and yellows kind of stuffs..you see, I'm stressed about work and earning money and paying the bills and the responsibility of having two dogs at the house, it's making me ill - the lines on my forehead are starting to show and I am smelling the age of thirty. I think it's awful. I believe that I should still keep the child in me, don't you think?
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
from The Little Prince
I'm itching to take a leave just to seriously post the compiled articles I wrote during the last four months - ganon katindi - but since money makes the world go round, it seems like I don't have any choice.
I am currently crazy about kid's stuffs again. The cartoons, the sweets, the pinks and yellows kind of stuffs..you see, I'm stressed about work and earning money and paying the bills and the responsibility of having two dogs at the house, it's making me ill - the lines on my forehead are starting to show and I am smelling the age of thirty. I think it's awful. I believe that I should still keep the child in me, don't you think?
All grown-ups were children first. (But few remember it).
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
from The Little Prince
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I'm Desperate
Tonight I should be posting two blog entries but my files are corrupted. Great! Just great.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
The Long Wait
Tinkerbell: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
- J M M Barrie
- J M M Barrie
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Business Letter
A couple of days ago, my new supervisor handed me a white envelope. It was weird receiving a letter from a company especially if the letter was addressed to me. I opened the parcel, ripping it on its side. It was a business letter alright - in two pages. The content was formal. It followed the business writing that I learned when I was in high school. I know I should not talk about the grammar or the tenses of how it was written; I am writing this piece because the letter tells me where I am now and how the past six months have gone by.
The letter states that I am now a regular employee. For the first time in my 29 years, I have become a regular employee. The formal dressing, the dizzying bus trips, the tensed feeling of long interviews, the night schedules, the memorization of hundreds of papers, the proper diction, the exam harassments, the tight compliance with company policies, the stressful conversations with the clients and the pressure of hitting my metrics - these are the things that occupied my hyper time. The remaining time and energy left are for sleeping. I became a lousy homemaker, best friend, sister and daughter. Opening this white envelope reveals a lot of thought and issues that I’ve been ignoring for the last six months. As the letter ended, I think about some things that put to an end to an almost perfect job.
It’s the friendship that matters and how I can grow and move inside the company. They say people in your lives come and go. I never realize how fast it will be in this kind of industry.
I made friends during my training days. There were seven of us originally. We ate, we laughed, we smoked, we dreamt and texted each other. As we were distributed to different teams, the text messages became fewer, and soon enough most of them resigned and the only three of us were left. I made friends again with the new team. The closest friend I had was Joanna. We were inseparable until one day she was gone. I was so sad and lonely that I never sit at the last post we spent together. The spam messages were gone and soon enough the work is work and was never fun at all. Two months after, my supervisor sent a goodbye letter. The team was again, distributed to different teams. I was now under this supervisor who is kind of homophobic. I was absent for two days because my partner was very sick. He told me it was not valid because she was not to be considered as an immediate family member. Nakakabadtrip kasi sabi nila call center jobs are for LGBT’s because they don’t discriminate. Technically, she was supposed to be considered as an immediate family member because we were living together as what other married couples do. Kasalan ko ba kung walang legal documents? As I think about it, that supervisor is the one who is homophobic not the company. He is the one to decide about this case and even if I called earlier I was tagged as NCNS (Read as AWOL).
As I am folding back the business letter, putting it inside the white envelope again, I think about what I am going to do if I decided to resign because this is the thing, it is easier to leave because you have an option to stay.
The letter states that I am now a regular employee. For the first time in my 29 years, I have become a regular employee. The formal dressing, the dizzying bus trips, the tensed feeling of long interviews, the night schedules, the memorization of hundreds of papers, the proper diction, the exam harassments, the tight compliance with company policies, the stressful conversations with the clients and the pressure of hitting my metrics - these are the things that occupied my hyper time. The remaining time and energy left are for sleeping. I became a lousy homemaker, best friend, sister and daughter. Opening this white envelope reveals a lot of thought and issues that I’ve been ignoring for the last six months. As the letter ended, I think about some things that put to an end to an almost perfect job.
It’s the friendship that matters and how I can grow and move inside the company. They say people in your lives come and go. I never realize how fast it will be in this kind of industry.
I made friends during my training days. There were seven of us originally. We ate, we laughed, we smoked, we dreamt and texted each other. As we were distributed to different teams, the text messages became fewer, and soon enough most of them resigned and the only three of us were left. I made friends again with the new team. The closest friend I had was Joanna. We were inseparable until one day she was gone. I was so sad and lonely that I never sit at the last post we spent together. The spam messages were gone and soon enough the work is work and was never fun at all. Two months after, my supervisor sent a goodbye letter. The team was again, distributed to different teams. I was now under this supervisor who is kind of homophobic. I was absent for two days because my partner was very sick. He told me it was not valid because she was not to be considered as an immediate family member. Nakakabadtrip kasi sabi nila call center jobs are for LGBT’s because they don’t discriminate. Technically, she was supposed to be considered as an immediate family member because we were living together as what other married couples do. Kasalan ko ba kung walang legal documents? As I think about it, that supervisor is the one who is homophobic not the company. He is the one to decide about this case and even if I called earlier I was tagged as NCNS (Read as AWOL).
As I am folding back the business letter, putting it inside the white envelope again, I think about what I am going to do if I decided to resign because this is the thing, it is easier to leave because you have an option to stay.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
In My Life (Movie)
This is not another movie review instead, it is a recommendation and I couldn't say more.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Ondoy
It is Sunday, 27th of September 2009 and this is not an ordinary weekend. It is my last rest day and It was supposed to be chores day instead I was just sitting at the couch staring into nothingness. God, there is no coffee in the cupboard, no decent food in the ref and no emergency canned goods lying around. The mess of the house and the mountain of laundry are irritating. It was doomsday. It was doomsday and I only have potato chips to survive.
I feel angry and upset and so I watched five lousy movies and get eight hours of sleep. I still feel livid and distress by the time I woke up and I end up sitting at the couch and staring into nothingness again. I cannot make myself do the laundry or sweep the floor for a start or maybe even make an effort of opening the bag of chips. There is something I need to do or feel or something I am waiting to happen. And it does. My cellphone was ringing and as I looked who the caller is, it was my dad. I’m battling with myself if I’m going to answer or not. Why is he calling me? (Answer it.) Did I do something wrong? (Don’t answer it.) Is he asking me to join the family day? (Answer it.) Will he be making arrangements for December to babysit my teenage sister? (Don’t answer it.) God, the flood! Is my family okay?! And so I answered it. It took me awhile to answer it but I did.
Me: Hello?
Pops: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, Okay lang kayo dyan?
Pops: Oo. Where are you?
Me: Bahay. Baha. Two people are dead.
Pops: Somebody texted Jay, nawawala ka daw.
Me: I’m okay.
Pops: Baha pa ba?
Me: I don’t know. I don’t wanna go out.
Pops: San ka ba malapit sa Araneta? Funeraria Paz or Arlinton?
Me: Arlington. Baha pa rin dyan?
Pops: Hindi. Just take care, okay?
Me: I will. Kayo din, bye.
Pops: Bye.
And the phone call made me cry. It’s a five-minute good cry. I’m 29, independent crying lesbian. The cry clears my head and bravely, I booted the laptop, inserted my USB and opened up the Word because now I am ready to take a step inside the time machine and go back to yesterday as I write what happened 26th of September 2009.
The team building was held at my officemate’s covered rooftop. The party’s a blast as we eat and drink our P4,000.00 Sodexo (Team funds in a form of GC provided by the company) away. By 1pm, the party was ended and we were alarmed to see the flood downstairs. Babes, the guy who owned the place told us it was the first time that the flood reached their driveway. Now this is serious. From Instrucion in Espana, I dipped my newest chucks to a knee-high flood. My teammates and I are cruising Manila with umbrellas that are pretty useless as we made an effort crossing the vehicle-less main road with strong waves of flood crushing you back and forth. It was sort of fun since it gives the true meaning of “team building”. We departed at Rotonda. The team left as a team because they have one destination and that is the LRT. I was left alone and my goal is to reach Araneta Ave. and that’s where the horror starts. I folded the useless umbrella and put it inside my already wet bag. I was bathing in the rain, no typhoon rain, with my glasses on. It was a long walk. It’s been an hour before I reached the part where the flood is in my shoulders. It was scary and I sat on the jeepney’s bumper together with other stranded people. The bus was stuck in the middle of the flood, alone and we can see it from afar. It didn’t make it. The flood was deeper on that side and it was half the bus already. That same street was deeper because it already reached the Suzuki’s E. Rodriguez’s branch service bay ceiling. God it reached the ceiling! Flood and fire. People’s houses were shattered and some caught fire. Imagine houses under the flood like Atlantis? A child was drowned and seeing this before your eyes was horrible. Too horrible that it made me stare and gives me nightmares afterwards. I found my way home through begging Philippine Charity Sweepstakes to let me through their gate so I can pass thru the other gate where I lived. I was lucky, seeing Bayani St. was somehow at peace. I reached the third floor panting, packed with heavy clothes, colds, virus and in a disoriented situation. It was not long when I think about the disaster in Istanbul or the red dust in Australia. Now, “Ondoy” hitting the Philippines. How come this is not predicted earlier? Does our government have to do with this?
So there, it took me a five-minute good cry to collect my thoughts again and retell my story to someone who cares. I feel lost for more than 24 hours and I haven’t received any caring words from my family except my bestfriend Ivory up until now. I don’t blame them, probably they where in a state of feeling disoriented too and my girlfriend’s flight was cancelled twice already and was stucked in Bicol and knowing how she will go straight to her family’s house to attend a birthday party after Ondoy’s aftermath didn’t make me feel good at all. Who wouldn’t feel sh*tty?
Saturday, August 15, 2009
TV
It’s been a year since I was last updated to current news. Our TV was only good for DVDs and the small (as in literally small) black and white TV/radio made me lose my interest from watching because of the bad signal. I am not familiar with anything that is new except when people around me make it as a topic, or it became a fad or associated with something/someone.
It pains me not to be updated. Nakakabobo and you look dumb infront of other people. You don’t get to share your thoughts, your opinions, your voice.
I am not familiar with Pinoy Henyo and I happen to know it now because it was being played through trainings as an icebreaker and my buddy and her sister joined that show in Eat Bulaga.
The Katrina Halili-Hayden Kho scandal was one of our “how’s-your-day-at-work-honey” dinner topic.
The celebrity hookups, celebrity breakups, the latest commercials that creates an impact, the catchy lines that they get from watching was used to me by my seatmate and the only reaction that I can give is ‘huh?!” like I’ve given her the a face that has a big red question mark splat on my face and she was like “don’t you watch TV” and I go explain to her what I wrote in paragraph 1.
So there, people. I’m dumb regarding current news and I wouldn’t be surprised if I failed the Civil Service Exams.
Last Monday when I was home, Malou aka Sam told me that Cory Aquino was brought to Manila Cathedral and they passed Makati City and stayed there for awhile at Ninoy Aquino’s monument to pray. That answered my question about the unreasonable traffic along Pasong Tamo going to Buendia, There were yellow ribbons on cars, trees and confetti all over the pavement. I just felt sad because that very day I thought I was robbed of a chance of seeing another major event broadcasted on national TV.
The first was the death of Francis M. He’s the Pinoy’s coolest rapper and the inventor of Philippine Flag shirts where he used his influence to bring back patriotism to the Filipino people. I love him because he’s maka-Pinoy and I am maka-Pinoy. Remember his song “Mga Kababayan Ko”? – it appears to be a modern version of El Filibusterismo. Astig ‘di ba? He made an impact through his craft, injecting nationalism in his music for the Filipino people without them realizing it. Ayon nga kay Ivy - huwow!
I was riding on a bus going to work when there’s a segment from Eat Bulaga about him. That’s when I realize he died already and I was 3 days late from the news.
Second was the death of Michael Jackson. The news was in a form of a forwarded text so I was in doubt if it was true. The news was shocking. It left my mind in a haze and it took 24 hours before it finally sunk in. This is the King of Pop you’re talking about! The news was totally ‘Off the Wall’ and all this time I thought he’s ‘Invincible’. He might be ‘Bad’ and ‘Dangerous’ to little boys in some ways but when he sings, it’s enchanting! Every move, every word, every line that he sings is magical. Singing with feelings is magical. Everything that you do that comes from the heart turns out to be magical and that’s what he is.
It might be a ‘Thriller’ for weeks as fans all over the world mourned his death. Even to his last breath, he created a ‘History’.
The latest one is the death of Cory Aquino. I was six when she became the first female President of the Philippines. I was playing at the backyard, dicing fortune plants pretending it was a vegetable. My lola heard the news about the EDSA revolution and she told me that another war is coming and led me to the living room to watch the news on TV. She was so scared that she wanted me to sit right next to her and actually be with her wherever she goes. She thinks that a tora-tora will drop a bomb at her house any minute.
I witnessed everything through our colored Sony TV. The old ones, the youth, the businessmen, the nurses, the doctors, the lawyers, the activists, the politicians, the police, the students, the priests, the nuns, the children. For the first time, it made the world stop because at this very second, no matter what you are, who you are, how much you’re earning is not the basis or the importance of being there. It’s being One with the Filipino people. As they hold each other’s hand to form a human barricade, they created unity. As they fought their way to one goal, discrimination was never an issue. As they chanted their prayers, religious fights were overshadowed, When the soldiers dropped their weapons, they showed love and compassion. Because that day in 1986, even for a day, we became brothers and sisters, and to me that was the time we were in heaven.
Cory Aquino led the people, and yes, she is a woman, she is a Filipino. When she talked, she made it sure that she was heard and that’s what happened at the US Congress. I became a patriot because of her, because of what I saw. This kind of revolution was used by other Asian countries afterwards but with no success. I am proud that I am part of this country and that I witnessed and became part of the history.
So there again, I could say that having a cabled TV is important and I hope you’re reading this Germaine. We need cable TV and the “how’s-your-day-honey” dinner talk is not enough.
I want to point out as well why Filipino people buy CDs of Francis M. and Michael Jackson after they died. Will you also buy EDSA Revolution soundtrack CD just in case?
Since I’m a Filipina and I have Filipino traits let me give you MY lists of my favorite songs from these three events.
In Frances M., his songs made me remember his name.
In Michael Jackson’s, his name made me remember his songs
The important thing was that they left something that will last for a lifetime.
MY LISTS:
Francis M. Lists:
1. Cold Summer Nights
2. Girl Be Mine
3. Kaleidoscope World
Michael Jackson Lists:
1. I Just Can’t Stop Loving You
2. The Girl Is Mine
3. Human Nature
4. Gone To Soon
5. She’s Out Of My Life
6. You Are Not Alone
Cory Aquino and the EDSA Revolution:
1. Magkaisa
2. Bayan Ko
It pains me not to be updated. Nakakabobo and you look dumb infront of other people. You don’t get to share your thoughts, your opinions, your voice.
I am not familiar with Pinoy Henyo and I happen to know it now because it was being played through trainings as an icebreaker and my buddy and her sister joined that show in Eat Bulaga.
The Katrina Halili-Hayden Kho scandal was one of our “how’s-your-day-at-work-honey” dinner topic.
The celebrity hookups, celebrity breakups, the latest commercials that creates an impact, the catchy lines that they get from watching was used to me by my seatmate and the only reaction that I can give is ‘huh?!” like I’ve given her the a face that has a big red question mark splat on my face and she was like “don’t you watch TV” and I go explain to her what I wrote in paragraph 1.
So there, people. I’m dumb regarding current news and I wouldn’t be surprised if I failed the Civil Service Exams.
Last Monday when I was home, Malou aka Sam told me that Cory Aquino was brought to Manila Cathedral and they passed Makati City and stayed there for awhile at Ninoy Aquino’s monument to pray. That answered my question about the unreasonable traffic along Pasong Tamo going to Buendia, There were yellow ribbons on cars, trees and confetti all over the pavement. I just felt sad because that very day I thought I was robbed of a chance of seeing another major event broadcasted on national TV.
The first was the death of Francis M. He’s the Pinoy’s coolest rapper and the inventor of Philippine Flag shirts where he used his influence to bring back patriotism to the Filipino people. I love him because he’s maka-Pinoy and I am maka-Pinoy. Remember his song “Mga Kababayan Ko”? – it appears to be a modern version of El Filibusterismo. Astig ‘di ba? He made an impact through his craft, injecting nationalism in his music for the Filipino people without them realizing it. Ayon nga kay Ivy - huwow!
I was riding on a bus going to work when there’s a segment from Eat Bulaga about him. That’s when I realize he died already and I was 3 days late from the news.
Second was the death of Michael Jackson. The news was in a form of a forwarded text so I was in doubt if it was true. The news was shocking. It left my mind in a haze and it took 24 hours before it finally sunk in. This is the King of Pop you’re talking about! The news was totally ‘Off the Wall’ and all this time I thought he’s ‘Invincible’. He might be ‘Bad’ and ‘Dangerous’ to little boys in some ways but when he sings, it’s enchanting! Every move, every word, every line that he sings is magical. Singing with feelings is magical. Everything that you do that comes from the heart turns out to be magical and that’s what he is.
It might be a ‘Thriller’ for weeks as fans all over the world mourned his death. Even to his last breath, he created a ‘History’.
The latest one is the death of Cory Aquino. I was six when she became the first female President of the Philippines. I was playing at the backyard, dicing fortune plants pretending it was a vegetable. My lola heard the news about the EDSA revolution and she told me that another war is coming and led me to the living room to watch the news on TV. She was so scared that she wanted me to sit right next to her and actually be with her wherever she goes. She thinks that a tora-tora will drop a bomb at her house any minute.
I witnessed everything through our colored Sony TV. The old ones, the youth, the businessmen, the nurses, the doctors, the lawyers, the activists, the politicians, the police, the students, the priests, the nuns, the children. For the first time, it made the world stop because at this very second, no matter what you are, who you are, how much you’re earning is not the basis or the importance of being there. It’s being One with the Filipino people. As they hold each other’s hand to form a human barricade, they created unity. As they fought their way to one goal, discrimination was never an issue. As they chanted their prayers, religious fights were overshadowed, When the soldiers dropped their weapons, they showed love and compassion. Because that day in 1986, even for a day, we became brothers and sisters, and to me that was the time we were in heaven.
Cory Aquino led the people, and yes, she is a woman, she is a Filipino. When she talked, she made it sure that she was heard and that’s what happened at the US Congress. I became a patriot because of her, because of what I saw. This kind of revolution was used by other Asian countries afterwards but with no success. I am proud that I am part of this country and that I witnessed and became part of the history.
So there again, I could say that having a cabled TV is important and I hope you’re reading this Germaine. We need cable TV and the “how’s-your-day-honey” dinner talk is not enough.
I want to point out as well why Filipino people buy CDs of Francis M. and Michael Jackson after they died. Will you also buy EDSA Revolution soundtrack CD just in case?
Since I’m a Filipina and I have Filipino traits let me give you MY lists of my favorite songs from these three events.
In Frances M., his songs made me remember his name.
In Michael Jackson’s, his name made me remember his songs
The important thing was that they left something that will last for a lifetime.
MY LISTS:
Francis M. Lists:
1. Cold Summer Nights
2. Girl Be Mine
3. Kaleidoscope World
Michael Jackson Lists:
1. I Just Can’t Stop Loving You
2. The Girl Is Mine
3. Human Nature
4. Gone To Soon
5. She’s Out Of My Life
6. You Are Not Alone
Cory Aquino and the EDSA Revolution:
1. Magkaisa
2. Bayan Ko
Now and Then
March 12, 2009
I’m on my training now. I find myself alone. I looked like a drab loner with a heavy problem of being an outcast.
My batchmates told me “Magsalita ka naman”
The other one told the others “Gusto nga nya mapunta sa non-voice account eh”
Yeah…Terrific!
I keep on memorizing pages of manuals. By the time I settled myself on the bus, I took out the reviewers and memorize. Never did I study this hard before, not when I was in college, nor in my highschool, not even in my gradeschool.
I remember crying with Jenny Gallegos on the hallway when we were in highschool. We have a periodical test in history and we were cramming ourselves memorizing the exact places of each provinces on the Philippine map. The names of the heroes and the dates they were brutally executed were even harder. Ayaw pumasok sa isip naming dalawa eh kahit nag-essence of chicken na’ko nun pare! Wa eh! Wa-epek! I hate history as much as I hate math. Funny how I can now easily memorize the US map, the airport codes and its cities and have a perfect score. What is the difference between taking the exam now and way back in highschool? Mas matindi siguro ang need of survival ngayon kesa noon kasi ngayon pinaghihirapan ang pera hindi tulad noon hinihingi lang ang pera, hay..
I’m on my training now. I find myself alone. I looked like a drab loner with a heavy problem of being an outcast.
My batchmates told me “Magsalita ka naman”
The other one told the others “Gusto nga nya mapunta sa non-voice account eh”
Yeah…Terrific!
I keep on memorizing pages of manuals. By the time I settled myself on the bus, I took out the reviewers and memorize. Never did I study this hard before, not when I was in college, nor in my highschool, not even in my gradeschool.
I remember crying with Jenny Gallegos on the hallway when we were in highschool. We have a periodical test in history and we were cramming ourselves memorizing the exact places of each provinces on the Philippine map. The names of the heroes and the dates they were brutally executed were even harder. Ayaw pumasok sa isip naming dalawa eh kahit nag-essence of chicken na’ko nun pare! Wa eh! Wa-epek! I hate history as much as I hate math. Funny how I can now easily memorize the US map, the airport codes and its cities and have a perfect score. What is the difference between taking the exam now and way back in highschool? Mas matindi siguro ang need of survival ngayon kesa noon kasi ngayon pinaghihirapan ang pera hindi tulad noon hinihingi lang ang pera, hay..
The Job
March 12
Last Wednesday, 4th of March, I finally decided to find a job. I rode a bus from Kamuning that took me 20 useless minutes standing in front of pink and blue waiting shed that was provided by Metro Gwapo boys. I looked around for a window seat that was located in the middle of the bus. I stared blankly to the billboard scenery. Everything is the same as it used to be: polluted, greenless, bumper to bumper traffic city. Nothing spectacular. Nothing special.
I find myself wrapped up with hundreds of applicants inside the room waiting to be called.
“Isang mahabang pila, mabagal at walang katapusan”
- Earaserheads
There were two interviews and 4 exams. My brain turns to mash. I’m hungry, cranky and my level of patience goes down to zero. From 11:00am – 11:00 pm of maximum screening, I end up looking like a rape victim.
The salary, benefits and compensation that were offered was rewarding though the requirements are too complex. Rewarding yet nerve-wrecking.
Life again is oxymoron.
I drank with Ivy like useless bystander ranting about how inconvenient the day was. I joyously drank forgetting about the medical exam the following day.
Medical Exam:
Repeat Chorus:
“Isang mahabang pila, mabagal at walang katapusan”
- Earaserheads
Yeeha!
1. The clinic is clean.
2. The clinic is spotless.
3. The clinic is gleaming.
Oh no!
1. They make me pee on a specimen bottle and on a large gravy size plastic cup.
2. There was a scarcity of tissue or just another cost-cutting issue.
3. The clinic was located outside the vicinity of roads and highways and walking under the angry sun was an only option. My BP turned out to be 160/110 and I was advised to see a cardiologist, how cute!
4. The lady doctor stuck her finger on my virgin ass.
5. They didn’t inform me that it took 3 hours to get the pregnancy test. I sat there waiting na tipong tinutubuan na ko ng ugat. They should have informed me because I can still use the time to get other requirements. Yan ang hirap pagnagkatrabaho e, ikaw na ang naghahabol sa oras hindi tulad nung bum ako e oras pa ang naghahabol sa akin. Sa sobrang badtrip ko e sinabi ko sa receptionist ay ganito:
“Miss alam kong SOP ang pregnancy test, but I can guarantee you that I’m not pregnant kasi una, single ako at pangalawa lesbiana ako” – e di tapos!
Last Wednesday, 4th of March, I finally decided to find a job. I rode a bus from Kamuning that took me 20 useless minutes standing in front of pink and blue waiting shed that was provided by Metro Gwapo boys. I looked around for a window seat that was located in the middle of the bus. I stared blankly to the billboard scenery. Everything is the same as it used to be: polluted, greenless, bumper to bumper traffic city. Nothing spectacular. Nothing special.
I find myself wrapped up with hundreds of applicants inside the room waiting to be called.
“Isang mahabang pila, mabagal at walang katapusan”
- Earaserheads
There were two interviews and 4 exams. My brain turns to mash. I’m hungry, cranky and my level of patience goes down to zero. From 11:00am – 11:00 pm of maximum screening, I end up looking like a rape victim.
The salary, benefits and compensation that were offered was rewarding though the requirements are too complex. Rewarding yet nerve-wrecking.
Life again is oxymoron.
I drank with Ivy like useless bystander ranting about how inconvenient the day was. I joyously drank forgetting about the medical exam the following day.
Medical Exam:
Repeat Chorus:
“Isang mahabang pila, mabagal at walang katapusan”
- Earaserheads
Yeeha!
1. The clinic is clean.
2. The clinic is spotless.
3. The clinic is gleaming.
Oh no!
1. They make me pee on a specimen bottle and on a large gravy size plastic cup.
2. There was a scarcity of tissue or just another cost-cutting issue.
3. The clinic was located outside the vicinity of roads and highways and walking under the angry sun was an only option. My BP turned out to be 160/110 and I was advised to see a cardiologist, how cute!
4. The lady doctor stuck her finger on my virgin ass.
5. They didn’t inform me that it took 3 hours to get the pregnancy test. I sat there waiting na tipong tinutubuan na ko ng ugat. They should have informed me because I can still use the time to get other requirements. Yan ang hirap pagnagkatrabaho e, ikaw na ang naghahabol sa oras hindi tulad nung bum ako e oras pa ang naghahabol sa akin. Sa sobrang badtrip ko e sinabi ko sa receptionist ay ganito:
“Miss alam kong SOP ang pregnancy test, but I can guarantee you that I’m not pregnant kasi una, single ako at pangalawa lesbiana ako” – e di tapos!
Anticipatedly Waiting
March 1, 2009
I made the choice. I am beginning to climb the first step of the new change in my life. I am in the process of making the whole new me, from housewife to a career woman, from pauper to prince, from drab to dazzling! Though the stupid horoscope tells me that my fortune is weak and my future is dim until the month of June, I made my choice to at least try no matter how terrified I am. I just wish that CHANGE are easier to achieve like the story of Snooky Serna’s “blusang itim” where everything can be settled as soon as she wears the magical black blouse. However, I will take everything slowly, carefully feeling every bump and hump on the road just like how Rustom Padilla turned into Bebe Gandanghari. I wish I could adapt so easily.
Ang dami kong sinabi. All I want to say is that I’m preparing for a job interview tomorrow. Yes, I am preparing like a dimwit. I even bought Susan Valentin’s Career Guide for Job-Seeker’s book at the Book Sale for fifty three pesos all for the heck of it! My partner brought some materials that will help me “enhance” the knowledge of properly answering job interview questions. It’s actually helpful and she’s giving me a mock interview.
Anyway, this thing that I’m doing was anticipated by everyone except me since I believe that being a housewife is a career and that I still dream to be a rich woman’s housewife. Since things didn’t work out as I planned, I’m hatefully doing the interview tomorrow.
I made the choice. I am beginning to climb the first step of the new change in my life. I am in the process of making the whole new me, from housewife to a career woman, from pauper to prince, from drab to dazzling! Though the stupid horoscope tells me that my fortune is weak and my future is dim until the month of June, I made my choice to at least try no matter how terrified I am. I just wish that CHANGE are easier to achieve like the story of Snooky Serna’s “blusang itim” where everything can be settled as soon as she wears the magical black blouse. However, I will take everything slowly, carefully feeling every bump and hump on the road just like how Rustom Padilla turned into Bebe Gandanghari. I wish I could adapt so easily.
Ang dami kong sinabi. All I want to say is that I’m preparing for a job interview tomorrow. Yes, I am preparing like a dimwit. I even bought Susan Valentin’s Career Guide for Job-Seeker’s book at the Book Sale for fifty three pesos all for the heck of it! My partner brought some materials that will help me “enhance” the knowledge of properly answering job interview questions. It’s actually helpful and she’s giving me a mock interview.
Anyway, this thing that I’m doing was anticipated by everyone except me since I believe that being a housewife is a career and that I still dream to be a rich woman’s housewife. Since things didn’t work out as I planned, I’m hatefully doing the interview tomorrow.
Open Letter
January 17 2009
I confessed to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters that I lied. It’s my dad’s 51st birthday and I greeted him with a lie. I lie about having a job and I lie about rocky like the way he lied about his age. Lying becomes a daily habit like brewing coffee every morning. Sometimes lying is a comfort blanket, covering you from cold shoulders, freezing stares and chilling truths. I even lie to myself as often as I bite my nails. I confused lying for comfort to in-denial for self-assurance.
I lie for so many reasons. I lie to prevent disappointments, loss of faith, stress and heartbreak. I lie to others, for others and for myself.
Undelivered Letter:
Dear Pop,
I’m scared of you. I’m scared of you since the day you spanked me so hard that my mouth bled when I was four. I’m scared of knowing that you have something good in your balik-bayan box for everyone except me. I’m scared to tell you that I didn’t do it and I’m begging you to listen but instead I let you punished me in front of my cousins. I’m scared to know that I will be left out as soon as you’re going to remarry. I’m scared to tell you that I am being mistreated by your new wife. I’m scared to tackle my insecurities about my sister. I’m scared to talk about equalities regarding my issues on maids. I’m scared to confront you when I know I’ve done something wrong and that gives me a concrete belief that with you, and only you, I lose my voice. I’m scared like you are scared of how I’ve become, a lesbian.
I’m at the age of being independent and still, being scared did not outgrow me. You and I are trying to make up for those times and yet, expensive stuffs, humorous talks, bottles of whiskey and Sunday visits are still insufficient, memories are scarred and traumatic. We talked about honesty but I planted a seed of lies and every opportune time it grows and bears fruits to satisfy your perfect taste of what is really me. I am still scared and I’m sorry.
I wanted to tell you that I’m always unhappy. I’m difficult to live with and often times I am treated unfairly. My credibility was low as my self-esteem. I am jobless and I am too lazy to find one. I’m having a hard time of finding a home and love and that makes me more unhappy. I decided to keep Rocky, the mini pincher that I promised to give you for your birthday because I found comfort in him during my miserable time. I soon found out that childhood trauma is still haunting me and I’ve been experiencing it over and over in different people and different situations. Wherever I go it is still there, the violence and brutality of human nature.
I guess my tales of lies are much better than the honest ones. It gives us paradise that we longed for. The stories I made up about love, a good career, and a furnished home gives you an affirmation of my stability and it saves you from shame, disappointments and heartbreak because still I am your eldest daughter, and that I care, and I love you and I always want a smile on your face because every now and then I remember your musky scent, your heavy footsteps, those motorcycle rides, silly photographs and the warm of your embrace. I see you everytime I look in the mirror and wished I could be as successful as you. Like you, I’m still dreaming of a family portrait, something to tell yourself that somehow you belong into something, and behind those smiles are pure love and honesty. A family portrait of your own and a family portrait of mine that I could proudly hang on my living room walls and a big one, a picture of our family, your family and my family in big shot that is in harmony like how politicians do for yearly calendars. Hopes make us believe in possibilities and I still have them with me. I am still longing that you will be proud of me someday.
Those smiles that you have on your birthday makes me happy and it makes me less sinful for lying. I love you Pop and happy birthday!
I confessed to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters that I lied. It’s my dad’s 51st birthday and I greeted him with a lie. I lie about having a job and I lie about rocky like the way he lied about his age. Lying becomes a daily habit like brewing coffee every morning. Sometimes lying is a comfort blanket, covering you from cold shoulders, freezing stares and chilling truths. I even lie to myself as often as I bite my nails. I confused lying for comfort to in-denial for self-assurance.
I lie for so many reasons. I lie to prevent disappointments, loss of faith, stress and heartbreak. I lie to others, for others and for myself.
Undelivered Letter:
Dear Pop,
I’m scared of you. I’m scared of you since the day you spanked me so hard that my mouth bled when I was four. I’m scared of knowing that you have something good in your balik-bayan box for everyone except me. I’m scared to tell you that I didn’t do it and I’m begging you to listen but instead I let you punished me in front of my cousins. I’m scared to know that I will be left out as soon as you’re going to remarry. I’m scared to tell you that I am being mistreated by your new wife. I’m scared to tackle my insecurities about my sister. I’m scared to talk about equalities regarding my issues on maids. I’m scared to confront you when I know I’ve done something wrong and that gives me a concrete belief that with you, and only you, I lose my voice. I’m scared like you are scared of how I’ve become, a lesbian.
I’m at the age of being independent and still, being scared did not outgrow me. You and I are trying to make up for those times and yet, expensive stuffs, humorous talks, bottles of whiskey and Sunday visits are still insufficient, memories are scarred and traumatic. We talked about honesty but I planted a seed of lies and every opportune time it grows and bears fruits to satisfy your perfect taste of what is really me. I am still scared and I’m sorry.
I wanted to tell you that I’m always unhappy. I’m difficult to live with and often times I am treated unfairly. My credibility was low as my self-esteem. I am jobless and I am too lazy to find one. I’m having a hard time of finding a home and love and that makes me more unhappy. I decided to keep Rocky, the mini pincher that I promised to give you for your birthday because I found comfort in him during my miserable time. I soon found out that childhood trauma is still haunting me and I’ve been experiencing it over and over in different people and different situations. Wherever I go it is still there, the violence and brutality of human nature.
I guess my tales of lies are much better than the honest ones. It gives us paradise that we longed for. The stories I made up about love, a good career, and a furnished home gives you an affirmation of my stability and it saves you from shame, disappointments and heartbreak because still I am your eldest daughter, and that I care, and I love you and I always want a smile on your face because every now and then I remember your musky scent, your heavy footsteps, those motorcycle rides, silly photographs and the warm of your embrace. I see you everytime I look in the mirror and wished I could be as successful as you. Like you, I’m still dreaming of a family portrait, something to tell yourself that somehow you belong into something, and behind those smiles are pure love and honesty. A family portrait of your own and a family portrait of mine that I could proudly hang on my living room walls and a big one, a picture of our family, your family and my family in big shot that is in harmony like how politicians do for yearly calendars. Hopes make us believe in possibilities and I still have them with me. I am still longing that you will be proud of me someday.
Those smiles that you have on your birthday makes me happy and it makes me less sinful for lying. I love you Pop and happy birthday!
Pills 2
THIS IS ANOTHER OLD BLOG ENTRY DATED 2008
I remember, when my father and my aunt found out that I’m a lesbian, they brought me to a psychiatrist at Makati Medical Center. They thought, like the Catholic Church, that this is a problem. This is unacceptable. This is unholy and this is insanity.
I was brought in early in the morning, mid week, three years ago. The halls smelled of alcohol, medicines, gloves and syringe. The eerie feeling of suffering bodies and lost souls fills the air. The familiarity of the place creeps in. I remember how I spent month after month and year after year in this hospital. I remember my grandparents in this place. I remember death. Death is not a good feeling to associate with what they want me to do here. Not now. It was never calming.
The doctor was a lady in her forties. That’s what I thought, judging by the way she chose her clothes. The room was decorated with a lot of effort. From wallpapers to her carpet, even the furniture that was chosen creates an image of serenity. Clients who are confused and unnerved by instinct will seek something to make them feel relaxed, comfortable and occupied. I am one of the clients. I did the room searching and choose the aquarium with a big fat fish making a “clug-clug” sound over the playful painting to just at least occupy my mind and lessen the tension that was building up.
The doctor’s first question was, “Why are you here?”
And I said, “I don’t know.”
“How can I be of help?” she asked.
I replied again, “I don’t know.”
And these two questions and my similar response goes on and on for 10 minutes. The doctor gave up and let my aunt in.
My aunt told the doctor carefully, “She’s been drinking everyday and the alcohol makes her so loud and uncontrollable that it bothers the neighbors”
Who was the meddling neighbor anyway? I thought, ano to, pauso?
Is it because of my voice when I started singing “I Will Survive” over the videoke at midnight? Wait ‘til I found out who you are and I’ll make it sure that YOU WILL BE BOTHERED!
“And I think that it all started when my mother died.” My aunt continued. “You see doctor, she lived with her after her parents separation and I think she can’t stand the pain, is there anything you can do?” she asked.
“Is this all true?” the lady doctor asked with a narrowing eyes.
“I don’t know”, was all I can say.
“And there’s one more, she has a girlfriend. She’s actually having a relationship with a girl…”, my aunt adds.
“Is this true?”, asked the doctor.
Of all the I-don’t-knows that came out of my mouth, this is the only confirmation she gets for the whole session.
“Yes, I am a lesbian.”
The doctor said to my aunt and my father that I do have a problem that needs to be taken care of or maybe she only wanted the consultation money. She looked at her calendar and scheduled me for another session. She began prescribing me a pill as small as a chocolate chip with a smiley face on the box as if trying to tell me that it will make me happy as soon as I take it and I will be lesbian-free.
This is always the problem about the pill. It always promises you something. You and the people around you believe.
I swallow the tiny pill and waited for it to work. I expected it to weave a happy thought that could run for a day. Maybe it would make me loose my interest in girls, but instead, it made me high and nauseous.
In the middle of my shift, while talking to an old American lady who was desperately buying Suzzane Summer’s gaucho pants in amber, size S/M, which at that time was sold out, the “anti-lesbian” pill kicked in. I immediately finished my call, ran to the comfort room, dashed to the nearest cubicle and clumsily locked the vandalized door. I almost kneel at the dirty tiles and then puked all the food that I ate during break time. This particular pill wrapped on a decorated smiley face box with a promise of making you happy and lesbian-free made me sick for the rest of the day. I wasn’t able to finish my shift. The nurse sent me home to take a rest. The pill broke my aunt’s heart because it didn’t cure the fact that I am a lesbian. It robbed my father’s wallet because it cost 4,000 pesos. It made me so unhappy because I disappointed them by not taking it anymore and made me ditch the next session. The pill ruined my dignity at the office because the nurse thought that I was pregnant and the news flies to different departments.
I remember, when my father and my aunt found out that I’m a lesbian, they brought me to a psychiatrist at Makati Medical Center. They thought, like the Catholic Church, that this is a problem. This is unacceptable. This is unholy and this is insanity.
I was brought in early in the morning, mid week, three years ago. The halls smelled of alcohol, medicines, gloves and syringe. The eerie feeling of suffering bodies and lost souls fills the air. The familiarity of the place creeps in. I remember how I spent month after month and year after year in this hospital. I remember my grandparents in this place. I remember death. Death is not a good feeling to associate with what they want me to do here. Not now. It was never calming.
The doctor was a lady in her forties. That’s what I thought, judging by the way she chose her clothes. The room was decorated with a lot of effort. From wallpapers to her carpet, even the furniture that was chosen creates an image of serenity. Clients who are confused and unnerved by instinct will seek something to make them feel relaxed, comfortable and occupied. I am one of the clients. I did the room searching and choose the aquarium with a big fat fish making a “clug-clug” sound over the playful painting to just at least occupy my mind and lessen the tension that was building up.
The doctor’s first question was, “Why are you here?”
And I said, “I don’t know.”
“How can I be of help?” she asked.
I replied again, “I don’t know.”
And these two questions and my similar response goes on and on for 10 minutes. The doctor gave up and let my aunt in.
My aunt told the doctor carefully, “She’s been drinking everyday and the alcohol makes her so loud and uncontrollable that it bothers the neighbors”
Who was the meddling neighbor anyway? I thought, ano to, pauso?
Is it because of my voice when I started singing “I Will Survive” over the videoke at midnight? Wait ‘til I found out who you are and I’ll make it sure that YOU WILL BE BOTHERED!
“And I think that it all started when my mother died.” My aunt continued. “You see doctor, she lived with her after her parents separation and I think she can’t stand the pain, is there anything you can do?” she asked.
“Is this all true?” the lady doctor asked with a narrowing eyes.
“I don’t know”, was all I can say.
“And there’s one more, she has a girlfriend. She’s actually having a relationship with a girl…”, my aunt adds.
“Is this true?”, asked the doctor.
Of all the I-don’t-knows that came out of my mouth, this is the only confirmation she gets for the whole session.
“Yes, I am a lesbian.”
The doctor said to my aunt and my father that I do have a problem that needs to be taken care of or maybe she only wanted the consultation money. She looked at her calendar and scheduled me for another session. She began prescribing me a pill as small as a chocolate chip with a smiley face on the box as if trying to tell me that it will make me happy as soon as I take it and I will be lesbian-free.
This is always the problem about the pill. It always promises you something. You and the people around you believe.
I swallow the tiny pill and waited for it to work. I expected it to weave a happy thought that could run for a day. Maybe it would make me loose my interest in girls, but instead, it made me high and nauseous.
In the middle of my shift, while talking to an old American lady who was desperately buying Suzzane Summer’s gaucho pants in amber, size S/M, which at that time was sold out, the “anti-lesbian” pill kicked in. I immediately finished my call, ran to the comfort room, dashed to the nearest cubicle and clumsily locked the vandalized door. I almost kneel at the dirty tiles and then puked all the food that I ate during break time. This particular pill wrapped on a decorated smiley face box with a promise of making you happy and lesbian-free made me sick for the rest of the day. I wasn’t able to finish my shift. The nurse sent me home to take a rest. The pill broke my aunt’s heart because it didn’t cure the fact that I am a lesbian. It robbed my father’s wallet because it cost 4,000 pesos. It made me so unhappy because I disappointed them by not taking it anymore and made me ditch the next session. The pill ruined my dignity at the office because the nurse thought that I was pregnant and the news flies to different departments.
Pills
THIS IS AN OLD BLOG ENTRY DATED 2008 AND ME BEING A BUM
I woke up late in the morning at about 10:30 am. I popped some pills to make me feel good- some Ibuprofen and Vitamin E, and oh yeah, that slimming pill that I’ve been taking since last November. Pills are supposed to make you feel better and some should make you look good. However, most pills disappoint you and worst, rob you. The slimming pills that I’ve been taking are expensive and I still weigh like a mother whale. I should be the one to blame anyway because I found the box catchy. The words written behind the box were promising, like a marriage vow or something, yet the lying pill failed me. Dear Pill, I believe you.
If you think that the slimming pill deceived me, wait until you hear the story of the Vitamin E. This pill is extremely expensive. I should take it everyday and pop another to put it on my face but since crisis is severely hitting the world, I would rather take necessities or vices like beer or cigarettes.
Last week, when I was drinking with friends, Jam, a pregnant drinking buddy of mine told me that my skin, particularly my face, looked smooth and like a L’oreal ad or something, luminescent. I told her about the pill. When I got home, I realized that I haven’t been taking Vitamin E for two weeks already. Now it hit me. It’s not the Vitamin E that’s miraculously working on my now younger skin. It’s the new regimen that I’ve been doing for the last five months.
My Regimen:
• Sleep at least 8 hours a day.
• Drink plenty of water especially after you woke up.
• Go out only at night.
• Don’t go to polluted areas.
• Don’t take a bath regularly.
• Drink alcohol at least once a week.
Explanation:
The secret is I don’t go to work.
1. Whether I sleep late or not, I make it sure that I get at least 8 hours of sleep even if I wake up so very late.
2. Since one of my leisure is alcohol, I tend to be very thirsty in the morning and was able to drink a pitcher of cold water in one go.
3. Ivory’s schedule changed to morning shift so the party always starts at night. I also have this concept na hindi ako tuyo para magpakabilad sa initan ng araw, haleeeer!
4. On slack days, I locked myself inside the house. The polluted air coming from the vehicles don’t affect my pores since I don’t go to work. Evening travels are much better as well since it is less polluted.
5. When I was still working, I remember blogging about how I love Sundays. Sundays means rebel day. And rebel day means not taking a bath. And now that everyday seems like always a rebel day, I don’t take a bath regularly especially if I don’t feel like to. The good thing about it is that the natural moisture from the skin stays in your body, making you looked younger and supple.
6. Lastly, maybe the alcohol has something to do about it. Maybe the germs are being sanitized like how a rubbing alcohol does to a wound, but this one is a lot better, because it works on the inside like Vitamin E.
Conclusion:
I therefore conclude that Vitamin E is expensive and that if you’re going to be more resourceful, you’ll find other ways of making your skin healthier. I also found out that while this is a mere fact about Vitamin E, there are also a lot of positive side effects about it. Vitamin E oftentimes helps a relationship. Since this pill makes you horny, it gives you a chance to patch things up with a lover, even for a short period of time. It also calm the nerves and stimulates the mind, you know what I mean.
I woke up late in the morning at about 10:30 am. I popped some pills to make me feel good- some Ibuprofen and Vitamin E, and oh yeah, that slimming pill that I’ve been taking since last November. Pills are supposed to make you feel better and some should make you look good. However, most pills disappoint you and worst, rob you. The slimming pills that I’ve been taking are expensive and I still weigh like a mother whale. I should be the one to blame anyway because I found the box catchy. The words written behind the box were promising, like a marriage vow or something, yet the lying pill failed me. Dear Pill, I believe you.
If you think that the slimming pill deceived me, wait until you hear the story of the Vitamin E. This pill is extremely expensive. I should take it everyday and pop another to put it on my face but since crisis is severely hitting the world, I would rather take necessities or vices like beer or cigarettes.
Last week, when I was drinking with friends, Jam, a pregnant drinking buddy of mine told me that my skin, particularly my face, looked smooth and like a L’oreal ad or something, luminescent. I told her about the pill. When I got home, I realized that I haven’t been taking Vitamin E for two weeks already. Now it hit me. It’s not the Vitamin E that’s miraculously working on my now younger skin. It’s the new regimen that I’ve been doing for the last five months.
My Regimen:
• Sleep at least 8 hours a day.
• Drink plenty of water especially after you woke up.
• Go out only at night.
• Don’t go to polluted areas.
• Don’t take a bath regularly.
• Drink alcohol at least once a week.
Explanation:
The secret is I don’t go to work.
1. Whether I sleep late or not, I make it sure that I get at least 8 hours of sleep even if I wake up so very late.
2. Since one of my leisure is alcohol, I tend to be very thirsty in the morning and was able to drink a pitcher of cold water in one go.
3. Ivory’s schedule changed to morning shift so the party always starts at night. I also have this concept na hindi ako tuyo para magpakabilad sa initan ng araw, haleeeer!
4. On slack days, I locked myself inside the house. The polluted air coming from the vehicles don’t affect my pores since I don’t go to work. Evening travels are much better as well since it is less polluted.
5. When I was still working, I remember blogging about how I love Sundays. Sundays means rebel day. And rebel day means not taking a bath. And now that everyday seems like always a rebel day, I don’t take a bath regularly especially if I don’t feel like to. The good thing about it is that the natural moisture from the skin stays in your body, making you looked younger and supple.
6. Lastly, maybe the alcohol has something to do about it. Maybe the germs are being sanitized like how a rubbing alcohol does to a wound, but this one is a lot better, because it works on the inside like Vitamin E.
Conclusion:
I therefore conclude that Vitamin E is expensive and that if you’re going to be more resourceful, you’ll find other ways of making your skin healthier. I also found out that while this is a mere fact about Vitamin E, there are also a lot of positive side effects about it. Vitamin E oftentimes helps a relationship. Since this pill makes you horny, it gives you a chance to patch things up with a lover, even for a short period of time. It also calm the nerves and stimulates the mind, you know what I mean.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
I got this from here and God, it made me cry..
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Coolest Websites (revised)
I'm infront of an old computer typing this letters using an overused keypad. The sites that I've been dying to open was blocked by firewall and I'm so frustrated on how I can't open my yahoo mails and how difficult it was for me to open up an account with facebook and how it was so disappointing to know that my pinoy dat org mail was closed. This is how I am enjoying my vacation leave.
So, the sites that I can browse were limited and I'll be posting some good stuffs here to share it with you.
To Anonymous and Leslie who posted a comment on my blog (Ilocanos entry), thank you. My answers were updated on the same article.
To Mommy Zey ng Bears, thank you for reading my blogs. We haven't heard from you in a long time, kamusta na?
To Joanna, thank you. Pulpol na manunulat daw ako.
Germaine and Godeszcleo, thank you.
Naging mala-radyo ang post na ito.
Anyway highway,
Natantaraugan ako sa question ni Leslie. She asked me kung ano ang tagalog ng cake. Bago ko nasagot e tumambling muna ako. This is my answer base on my point of view. Ang eepal e mag-comment na lang po.
"Whether in tagalog or Ilocano we call it keyk (cake). Same pronunciation but different spelling because cake was not originated from the Phillipines. We have our own delicacy, own version of cake and we call it kakanin and that is rice cake in english."
You might be wondering kung anong nagpa-engganyo sa akin na mag-sign up sa facebook. It's because of this:
Paano kaya kung may FACEBOOK na noong panahon ng mga KATIPUNERO?
Hahaha nakakatawa at dahil likas na inggitera ako sa mga katipunerong may face book eh tinangka kong magsign-up kanina. Yun nga lang e unsuccessful.
I found this at Post Secret:
and I have no comment.
I am now crazy about Thumblr.
Some cool stuffs are these:
from here
Time's up! I need to go home. I need to fix my own Tumblr first. Will be posting soon.
So, the sites that I can browse were limited and I'll be posting some good stuffs here to share it with you.
To Anonymous and Leslie who posted a comment on my blog (Ilocanos entry), thank you. My answers were updated on the same article.
To Mommy Zey ng Bears, thank you for reading my blogs. We haven't heard from you in a long time, kamusta na?
To Joanna, thank you. Pulpol na manunulat daw ako.
Germaine and Godeszcleo, thank you.
Naging mala-radyo ang post na ito.
Anyway highway,
Natantaraugan ako sa question ni Leslie. She asked me kung ano ang tagalog ng cake. Bago ko nasagot e tumambling muna ako. This is my answer base on my point of view. Ang eepal e mag-comment na lang po.
"Whether in tagalog or Ilocano we call it keyk (cake). Same pronunciation but different spelling because cake was not originated from the Phillipines. We have our own delicacy, own version of cake and we call it kakanin and that is rice cake in english."
You might be wondering kung anong nagpa-engganyo sa akin na mag-sign up sa facebook. It's because of this:
Paano kaya kung may FACEBOOK na noong panahon ng mga KATIPUNERO?
Hahaha nakakatawa at dahil likas na inggitera ako sa mga katipunerong may face book eh tinangka kong magsign-up kanina. Yun nga lang e unsuccessful.
I found this at Post Secret:
and I have no comment.
I am now crazy about Thumblr.
Some cool stuffs are these:
from here
Time's up! I need to go home. I need to fix my own Tumblr first. Will be posting soon.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Baguio Interview of my Girlfriend
Repost from Philippine Daily Inquirer
Gays trying harder to make it to Congress By Desiree Caluza Inquirer Northern Luzon First Posted 02:52:00 06/29/2009
BAGUIO CITY—The group Ang Ladlad said Sunday it was working to remove the obstacles to its party-list accreditation so that Filipino gays and lesbians could win representation in Congress in next year’s polls. Lawyer Germaine Leonin, Ang Ladlad treasurer, said the Commission on Elections disqualified the group in 2007 on the grounds that it failed to prove it had a nationwide membership. “This year, we are doing the groundwork [to satisfy the] regional representation requirement. So we have been going [around the] provinces to enlist support from gay and lesbian groups,” said Leonin, who attended the Gay Pride march here on Sunday. She said Ang Ladlad members visited Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City, General Santos City, Aklan and Zambales recently to organize chapters and strengthen their campaign for party-list accreditation. She said the group would submit to the Comelec documents and other materials to prove they have members in provinces all over the country. “(The Comelec) said we are not representing a marginalized sector. But we are representing 10 percent of the population,” Leonin said. The Comelec had rejected the group’s application for accreditation, saying that “reports from our field offices reveal that it doesn’t exist in most regions of the country.” Leonin said Ang Ladlad will push the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBT) equal rights and opportunities in employment as well as in schools, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers and government offices. On Sunday, about 100 gays and lesbians marched down Session Road in this mountain city wearing costumes and carrying placards denouncing discrimination and homophobia. The march was organized by the Baguio Pride Network as part of international gay pride celebrations that commemorated the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. The riots were triggered by a police raid on a New York bar frequented by gays and lesbians.
P.S.
So open for comment
Gays trying harder to make it to Congress By Desiree Caluza Inquirer Northern Luzon First Posted 02:52:00 06/29/2009
BAGUIO CITY—The group Ang Ladlad said Sunday it was working to remove the obstacles to its party-list accreditation so that Filipino gays and lesbians could win representation in Congress in next year’s polls. Lawyer Germaine Leonin, Ang Ladlad treasurer, said the Commission on Elections disqualified the group in 2007 on the grounds that it failed to prove it had a nationwide membership. “This year, we are doing the groundwork [to satisfy the] regional representation requirement. So we have been going [around the] provinces to enlist support from gay and lesbian groups,” said Leonin, who attended the Gay Pride march here on Sunday. She said Ang Ladlad members visited Cebu City, Cagayan de Oro City, General Santos City, Aklan and Zambales recently to organize chapters and strengthen their campaign for party-list accreditation. She said the group would submit to the Comelec documents and other materials to prove they have members in provinces all over the country. “(The Comelec) said we are not representing a marginalized sector. But we are representing 10 percent of the population,” Leonin said. The Comelec had rejected the group’s application for accreditation, saying that “reports from our field offices reveal that it doesn’t exist in most regions of the country.” Leonin said Ang Ladlad will push the Anti-Discrimination Bill that gives lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBT) equal rights and opportunities in employment as well as in schools, restaurants, hotels, entertainment centers and government offices. On Sunday, about 100 gays and lesbians marched down Session Road in this mountain city wearing costumes and carrying placards denouncing discrimination and homophobia. The march was organized by the Baguio Pride Network as part of international gay pride celebrations that commemorated the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. The riots were triggered by a police raid on a New York bar frequented by gays and lesbians.
P.S.
So open for comment
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday Storm
The storm is hitting Manila right this afternoon. It's freezing in and out of the building. Coffee and smoking are very essential this minute and I feel sorry for not wearing layers of clothes today. If only I have these items in violent pink and electric purple, (I might look like a giant snowman) but still, I am tempted to wear earmuffs, mittens, bonnet, snow boots and scarf. My teeth are chattering and my hands are turning white. I feel like my coffee is turning into ice.
Speaking of ice, I haven't seen Ice Age 3 yet and everybody in this office were talking about it. I feel that there's nothing spectacular and it's a waste of 200 pesos. The only thing that I like on that movie is the saber-toothed squirrel whose madly obsessed with an acorn and he was an extra. For years I thought that this character doesn't have a name. A friend (Penguin), gave me a a stuffed-saber-toothed squirrel from Ice Age for christmas and I decided to call him Heffner and since everybody likes him and that he is absolutely popular because I'm bringing him to every travel I went to, my brother stole him one night and named him Ricky. My brother just turned 25, how cute and immature of him at the same time. Anyway, that thing has a name as I googled my way through Wikipedia and the character's name is Scrat. I'm sorry Scrat but to me I will still call my stuffed-scrat Heffner aka Ricky.
Anyway, this movie is bland compared to the cartoons I've watched that really pinched a heart. My all time favorite is Monters Inc. and I swear that I have seen this for more than 20 times. This is a kind of movie to watch when you're sick in bed while eating noodles and the raindrops continously sliding down your window pane.
Remember this?
Speaking of ice, I haven't seen Ice Age 3 yet and everybody in this office were talking about it. I feel that there's nothing spectacular and it's a waste of 200 pesos. The only thing that I like on that movie is the saber-toothed squirrel whose madly obsessed with an acorn and he was an extra. For years I thought that this character doesn't have a name. A friend (Penguin), gave me a a stuffed-saber-toothed squirrel from Ice Age for christmas and I decided to call him Heffner and since everybody likes him and that he is absolutely popular because I'm bringing him to every travel I went to, my brother stole him one night and named him Ricky. My brother just turned 25, how cute and immature of him at the same time. Anyway, that thing has a name as I googled my way through Wikipedia and the character's name is Scrat. I'm sorry Scrat but to me I will still call my stuffed-scrat Heffner aka Ricky.
Anyway, this movie is bland compared to the cartoons I've watched that really pinched a heart. My all time favorite is Monters Inc. and I swear that I have seen this for more than 20 times. This is a kind of movie to watch when you're sick in bed while eating noodles and the raindrops continously sliding down your window pane.
Remember this?
What is the sound of a heart breaking?
It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals s/he gave you.
It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.
It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.
The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses s/he gave, the sound of the music s/he used to make going to your gut.
The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.
It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.
Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.
- Karen Kunawicz
It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.
It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.
The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses s/he gave, the sound of the music s/he used to make going to your gut.
The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.
It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.
Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.
- Karen Kunawicz
Saturday, January 10, 2009
What I Have Learned Last Year
I have learned that:
- Some highlights in your life are not always good. In your life span, there is something good or terrible thing that will happened to you and you will remember every detail of it. Words are hard to find by the time you try to express it whether in verbal or in writing and it will only lead to a series of incomplete sentences.
- I can quit my job but I can never quit on love.
- People are shitty and they can judge you unfairly.
- I feel more human when I refuse to speak and think ill of others.
- On a relationship, it is important that she understands with me and I understand with her.
- I don’t always have to fill in the silence. I don’t always have to have to.
- The grandest of house was the one that was built by two people in love.
- Lying is the last resort to prevent series of disappointments.
- Loved ones you have lost contact with maybe for some time or for eternity will haunt you in your dreams and/or back to reality.
- Bogus stories on frightening hour and lonesome time can be really amusing.
- Suffocating ideas are scary and can make you really crazy.
- People are more interested about Manny Pacquiao’s victory than Pride March.
- Writing is a therapy.
- Writing is easier than talking.
- Scents lingers. Not only in the sense of occupying space or the room but it reminded you of things/someone.
- Strangers can sometimes give you comfort.
- That this little girl can now make the matches spark.
- I am the only member of the family that was not included at the “exchange gift”.
- I am the only girl member of the family who didn’t receive a swarovski bracelet.
- Neither one of my partner’s family likes me.
- Unplanned travel is costly.
- Pink and blue walls reminded me of MMDA’s Metro Gwapo campaigns.
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